#a true shame 8 never got his own series

[heyitsspaceace]

while y'all where shit talking the 1996 doctor who movie i was enjoying the campy-ness of it all

[thezombieprostitute]

Dream Come True - Part 9

Summary: The “Garbage Men” are the guys in the mob who get the dirt on others and clean up after the higher ups. They have many different ways of gathering intel by running legitimate businesses. One such business is Jefferson/Jensen’s cyber cafe where you regularly go to work. You’ve actually become good friends with Jefferson’s daughter and Jensen’s niece. You even volunteered as their after-school tutor. One day, there’s a robbery attempt where you get hurt protecting the girls. This is how you are introduced to Curtis Everett, the guy in charge of the “Garbage Men”.

A/N: Reader is plus sized, femme. No other descriptors used.

Word Count: ~1800

Warnings: Bullying, Fat shaming, Insecure reader, VIOLENCE. Please let me know if I missed any!

Part 8 -- Part 10

Series Masterlist

Curtis hears you whimpering in your sleep as you grip his arm tighter. Figuring you’re having a nightmare he gently wakes you up. You look around confused for a little bit before dropping his arm and apologizing. He reassures you with a smile as he massages his arm. You give him a confused look and he says, “you’ve been asleep for a few hours; my arm for a little less than that.”

“I’m sor-” you stop yourself when he raises an eyebrow. “Thank you,” you ventured. “Thank you for letting me sleep and letting me use your arm for a pillow.”

His smile grows, “it wasn’t a problem at all.”

“Have there been any updates?”

“Yes, not all of them good,” Curtis nods. “Ransom is in the hospital but he should make it. Lloyd’s co-conspirators are dead but he’s escaped. We’re working on trying to track him but he’s gone off our radar. We’re working with other families to signal us if they see him. In the meantime, no one goes out alone. Everyone travels in groups of at least two.”

He sees you tense at the information and unconsciously rub at your arm around where the bruise is. His eyes soften, “do you need an ice pack for that? Maybe some painkillers?”

“I think it might be a little late for an ice pack,” you whisper. “But, yeah, some tylenol or something wouldn’t go amiss.”

“Okay,” he says as he gets up. “Let’s go get you some.”

“Have you eaten,” your own stomach is aching and you don’t remember seeing Curtis eat anything before your nap.

“Not really,” he admits. “There’s probably some leftover pizza in the fridge. We can talk while we eat, okay?”

You follow him to the kitchenette area and, as you eat, you relate to him everything that happened to you after you left Ransom’s. It’s hard to believe all that you’ve been through in just 24 hours. Curtis never interrupts you but offers his hand when you have problems talking about your interactions with Lloyd. 

When you’re done he says, “that explains a few things we picked up from Ransom.” You give him a confused look and he continues, “Ransom told us that Lloyd was insistent on getting details about you. His co-conspirators were there with him because he had a potential security breach with you and they needed to see him clean it up.”

“Oh god, I got him hurt,” you whisper. “Fuck. I should’ve stayed at the hotel. Mr. Drysdale’s an ass but Lloyd is a monster. He doesn’t deserve that.”

“If you’d stayed at the hotel I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself,” Curtis admitted. “I wasn’t able to think straight until I got you back here. I really shouldn’t have left the team in the lurch like that. And I know I wouldn’t have listened to you if you tried to tell me to leave you there.”

“That couldn’t have been fair to the guys,” you complain. “I don’t think baking them some cookies will be enough to make up for it. They needed you and I got in the way.”

“Don’t,” Curtis chided. “Don’t speak about yourself like that. You’re a lot more important than you think.”

“I’m not much of anything,” you muttered. “I just fall into these situations. The nieces? Ransom’s signals? Lloyd? Things just happen and I react. Just like anyone else. You and your team are planners, able to think several steps ahead, able to keep safe in dangerous situations. Things don’t “just happen” to you. You’re able to prepare, think through possibilities. I just have blind reactions to everything in life.”

“You really don’t see your adaptability as a strength? Yeah, shit happens and blindsides you, but you’re able to keep your head above water. I have to do all of that planning because, as you’ve seen, being hit by an unknown throws me for a loop that makes me default to anger. And that quick switch you did to throw Lloyd off? That was incredibly quick thinking!”

“No,” you shake your head, “that was actually a bit of experience.” Curtis sits forward, concerned about the implications of your statement. “I wasn’t kidnapped before, nothing like that. I just…” you take a deep breath, “I’d go out with people I thought were friends. They’d get hit on all the time but I was definitely the ugly, fat friend. The guys who got turned down by my friends would occasionally get so drunk that they’d aggressively flirt with me. Not because they were actually interested, of course. They’d insist that they were being nice and doing me a favor. They’d frequently not take “no” for an answer because they couldn’t handle the thought of the ugly one not wanting them. The only difference between them and Lloyd is that Lloyd wasn’t drunk.”

“If you give me their names I’ll make sure they regret treating you like that.”

You give him a sad smile, “I already feel bad for getting Mr. Drysdale hurt. Even when people are assholes I don’t like to see them hurt. I’m weird like that.”

“You’re an angel like that.”

“I think it’s more, I wasted so much time with them that I’d rather not give them any more. Time is precious and I don’t want to waste it on people who don’t deserve it.”

Curtis hesitates, thinking on past interactions with you. “So, that day I called your prettiness a bonus?”

You duck your head close to your chest, “I overreacted. And for that I do apologize. You were just trying to be nice but I was hurting and I lashed out at you. I’m sorry.”

“If that’s you lashing out, I’m good,” Curtis chuckles. “All you did was accuse me of pitying you.”

“Still, you didn’t deserve my anger.”

“I think I got more anger from you when you were arguing about being overpaid. Or about the guys being overworked.”

“That wasn’t anger, Sir. That was debate and, well, stubbornness.”

“A stubbornness that seems to help people.” 

Curtis’s smile is broken by a yawn and you ask, “when was the last time you slept?”

“It’s been a while, I’ll admit.”

“You should really get some sleep, Sir.”

“I can’t,” he shakes his head. “Until we get some kind of update on Lloyd’s whereabouts, any sleep I get is going to leave me even more tired than if I never slept at all.”

“I suppose that makes sense,” you concede. “So, what do you generally do when you can’t sleep but can’t leave standby mode?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” he admits. “Usually there’s work to be done. Intel to verify, cleaning to do, garbage to dispose of. But right now all I’ve got is waiting and making sure you’re okay.” 

“Thanks for not leaving me alone,” you hum. “Thanks for bringing me with you. I know I was never supposed to know all of this. That I was supposed to stay on the legitimate side of things. But, even though I’m in the middle of the storm, I feel really safe with you.”

“That’s the greatest compliment I could ever receive,” he beams. “And I mean it.”

You’re walking back to the kitchenette from the bathroom when you’re slammed hard against the wall. You barely let out a squeak before feeling your windpipe cut off. You open your eyes and see Lloyd, smiling wickedly and holding a butterfly knife.

“Oh Pumpkin,” he sneers, “I told you not to run. Imagine my surprise when Pretty Boy finally confessed you were one of Everett’s agents? Fucker took my job, seems only fair I take his whore–”

His head is slammed into the wall you’re pinned against, barely missing you. The force is hard enough that Lloyd lets go of your neck and you drop, struggling to catch your breath. You’re able to register Curtis repeatedly smashing Lloyd’s head into the wall before Lloyd is able to push Curtis back. He spins to face Curtis, flashing the butterfly knife but Curtis doesn’t hesitate to charge as soon as he’s got his footing. 

You struggle to get away from the wall, not wanting to get Curtis hurt because of your interference. You find your phone in your pocket and send an SOS to Jake. You look up just in time to see Lloyd landing a kick to Curtis’s leg but he doesn’t even seem to flinch. He’s twisted Lloyd’s arm, making him drop the knife, before throwing him to the far side of the room. Curtis storms after him, not giving Lloyd time to get his footing, keeping him on the defensive, only able to focus on blocking or deflecting hits.

Curtis’s face is pure blood-lust and rage. You know you’re looking at Berserker. A small part of you knows you should be scared, but you’re not. He’s protecting you. Thinking you should return the favor and keep him safe, you look around for the butterfly knife. You’ve seen enough movies to know that it could come back into play against Curtis. You carefully remove it from the improvised arena and stay back.

Lloyd manages to get in a few punches but Curtis is relentless. When Lloyd starts flailing, clearly losing consciousness, Curtis pushes him to the floor before continuing to smash his face in.

“Curtis!” You cry out painfully in an attempt to get his attention. You’re quite sure Lloyd is at least incapacitated if not dead. He doesn’t seem to hear you so try again, “Curtis, please!” 

He pauses. You see him blink several times, seeming to come back to himself. He turns to you, “I’m so sorry. You weren’t supposed to see that.” He backs away from Lloyd’s body, running to the sink to wash his hands. He keeps repeating, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Curtis, look at me,” you gently plead. His eyes shoot up and you see he’s scared, terrified even. “Thank you, Curtis,” you whisper, voice hoarse from Lloyd’s attack. “Thank you for rescuing me.” His hands stop shaking as he searches your eyes for any sign you’re scared. But you’re not. You hold firm in that and it helps to ground him. You step closer to him and he melts into your touch as you hold him.

Soon after the others come by and clean up Lloyd’s body. The higher ups are informed and let out a breath of relief. 

When the business side of things is concluded you ask Curtis if he’d be willing to stay with you at your apartment for a couple of days. You’re certain you’ll have nightmares and having him there, even if it’s just on the couch, will be a great comfort for you. He wholeheartedly agrees that he’ll sleep better as well if he can keep an eye on you.

Part 8 -- Part 10

Tagging @alicedopey because I promised I would. 

@alexakeyloveloki

@bigtreefest

@dontbescaredtosingalong

@hisredheadedgoddess28

@icefrozendeadlyqueen

@lokislady82

@texmexdarling 

@veltana

@winter-soldier-101

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged.

[orangepeelshortbreadcookies]

What do you think show!Colin’s characterization/personality is? It’s inconsistent throughout the series and I’m curious as to what I’m missing as people seem to love him and I feel like I’m missing something. He’s sweet, he likes to travel, he’s got a hero complex (that is never explained why), but he doesn’t seem all that close with his siblings and prefers traveling or seeking out Marina or Penelope

(I’m asking you because I like a lot of your other Bridgerton opinions and wanted to hear your thoughts once again)

Hii!!! First of all, my beautiful friend @dollypopup has a lot of thoughts about his character and she has largely succeeded in converting me from a Colin agnostic to a Colin appreciator. I highly recommend checking out her blog!

Ah, Colin, my neglected little cinnamon roll of failed potentials who deserved better. There were flickering moments in time that I've considered the writers of Bridgerton value him more than an attractive, unquestioningly agreeable eventual trophy for Penelope. I miss those days. I think before the showrunner changed, there were glimmers of Colin's character that would have been worthwhile to explore had they stuck to their guns and followed book orders. I think he has a lot in common with how they wrote Francesca in season 4: he's the most timid one among his brothers. He's walking earnestness and a people-pleaser. He mostly only has a bigger personality when he's among family. He has massive middle-child syndrome, which I think in parts explain the hero complex. He is possibly on the spectrum. He has difficulties deciphering social cues and despite a rich inner life, verbally he is not very eloquent, especially in a public setting. He's honest and probably not very good with money.

(Remember that adorable scene in season 1 when he sings while Frannie plays the piano? The show owes me particularly compensation for squandering that potential).

All of these make very solid foundations for a compelling character to spring from. But then, to come to these conclusions, I'll admit it takes a considerable amount of intepretive work, work that a big chunk of fandom, who prefer fast, easily-digestible content, have no interest in engaging with, and work that the sensationalism-prioritising writing discards to accomodate the short 8-episode format.

I do see where you're coming from with his character being written inconsistently. There were a lot of seeds planted in the first two seasons for his character getting thrown out of the window. Luke N did the best with what he got, and to me Colin comes off as a lost, insecure boy trying out different personalities in order to fit in. To an extent, I even sympathise with the 'Colin gives the ick' camp. There were multiple instances in season 3 where he talked to people (both men and women) about his travels that gave me major 'shallow rich boy after a gap year abroad' vibe. That being said, to pay that off with him eventually confronting his "friends" about the abysmal quality of their conversations was very nice. Such a shame he did not have enough screentime to invest in his true personality away from that scene to better drive that point home, being reduced to a secondary character in his own season. I don't remember Colin ever had any substantial conversation about his travels (which can be character-building and fulfilling) or interests after that confrontation, not one for the sake of his own character-building instead of some detail subservient to Pen's needs for validation. He should really have had at least a moment like the swing-scene between Eloise and Benedict (Colin-Francesca piano duet musings!!! I was ROBBED.)

Honestly, the problem here imo is that the writers, especially ones from season 3, just don't like Colin very much. It's pretty telling when he's the lead character with the least amount of screentime across 3 seasons. Many among the fandom echo that sentiment. His existence (among many other characters that suffer a personality lobotomy) in his own damn season is to absolve Penelope of guilt and consequences for her toxic actions. His hurt, his loss, his feelings, are secondary on the grand scheme of the show's narrative, ultimately they are obsolete and more or less an inconvenience to Penelope's HEA. The same applies to characters like Marina and Kate, and to some extent, Eloise. There are still highlights though, like his utterly distraught reaction at discovering Pen's Whistledown. And despite the ardent complaints about him refusing to share a bed with Pen on their wedding night, I'll maintain that it was one of his best moments, as he was still steadfast in his love for her but also setting clear boundaries regarding his substantial (and pretty fucking justifiable) hurt. I was so proud of him.

[ohforficsakelibrary]

You Brought Me Poison Flowers

Chapter 8: Beet - If a man and a woman eat of the same beet, they will fall in love.

prev / series masterlist / masterlist / Lennie's shop ad moodboard!

Series Summary: Joel and Ellie settle into life in Jackson, one more easily than the other, until Joel is reminded of what normal feels like. The kind of normal that he perhaps never had. A series of one-shot glimpses into a relationship (no true plot here, people.) Soft!Joel. Two touch-starved babes.

Chapter subtitles taken from Cunningham’s Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs by Scott Cunningham. Although herbal preparations are consistent with historic uses, nothing herein is to be construed as medical advice.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Herbalist!OFC (age-appropriate age gap)

Word Count: ~6.2K (It's a hefty one, y'all)

Warnings: Discussion of past character death, descriptions of loneliness. Please read with care.

Rating: Explicit 18+ / oral (f receiving), unprotected piv, multiple orgasms (f), creampie. Minors DNI.

A/N: Lenora breaks a bit but Joel Miller was a contractor and he's good with his hands.

This took me longer than anticipated to write, but it's a bit of a longer one and it's definitely one that moves them into new territory. Thank you all so much as always for your lovely comments and reblogs. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love these two so much and I sincerely hope that you all enjoy!

A soft knock sounds on Joel's door at 7:30pm sharp on Saturday evening. 

Lennie is on his doorstep, blue linen dress and a soft smile, canvas bag slung over her shoulder. 

Joel grins, checks both ways behind her, and yanks her through the door. He has her against the wall and she can feel the smile on his lips as he kisses her.

And Joel can feel the exact moment she melts into his hold.

“You stayin’ the night?” He quips, relieving her of  the bag on her shoulder. 

“No, Mom just said never show up empty handed.

“You wanna stay the night?”

“Feed me and we’ll see.”

“Kitchen’s through here,” he points, “leave your shoes on, you’re fine.”

“Smells, amazing. Ellie home?”

“Nah, she’s actually at a sleepover,” his eyebrows are arched as he sets her bag on the kitchen island, “for a birthday. She has friends.”

“Shame you’ve just got me.”

“Not a shame at all,” he samples the taste of her again before she reaches into her bag. 

“I brought her this though, had a copy in my collection,” she pulls 2001: A Space Odyssey from her bag, “she’s probably read it already, but on the off chance she hasn’t.”

Joel fits in behind her, pressing his chest to her back. “Ohh, that’s a classic. She’s gonna love that. Thank you, Len.”

She pulls an amber dropper bottle from her bag next, “and Tommy stopped by, said you wanted bitters?”

Joel takes the bottle from her fingers, holding it up to the light. “Tommy did some meddling then. He dropped off a batch of maple whiskey this morning.” 

“Well then, it only seems right to make an old fashioned,” and she reaches into her bag for a bottle of gin, “and you can keep that for whatever you’d like.”

“How the fuck did you make bitters?” One hand rubs at her hip as he places the dropper on the counter.

“Gentian root, ginger, lavender, cherry bark, black walnut, you want me to keep going?” 

“No,” Joel’s hips are pressed against her ass, “I want to kiss you.”

"Kiss me then." 

Joel spins her around, hoists her up onto the kitchen island and fits between her legs, fingers skating up her thighs. She fits both hands to his jaw as he presses soft lips to hers.

Slowly, tenderly at first before he slips his tongue into her mouth, drawing forth a moan from the back of her throat.

And it’s nothing short of relief, this flood of affection from a granite man.

Being left to her own devices these past few days had caused slippage. Even with the rush of him still warm through her blood.

He could still change his mind.

Lennie swallows hard when his mouth moves away, fingers still drawing light circles on her thighs with the flats of his nails.

“Anything I can do to help?” She asks, tucking a curl behind his ear.

A need to feel useful.

“You can tell me how you like your steak,” Joel grins up at her. 

“Medium rare?”

“That a question or your answer?”

“Medium rare.” She says again and he steals another kiss before turning back to the stove. 

Joel doesn’t allow her to lift a finger. 

He fixes them drinks and ushers her to the dining table. 

He dishes out a salad topped with sliced beet and goat’s cheese. 

He places a perfectly-cooked medium rare steak in front of her with mashed potato and broccoli accompaniments. 

He keeps her water and whiskey glasses full.

He offers her strawberries and hand-whipped sweet cream for dessert. 

He doesn’t let her help with the dishes.

Instead, Joel again places her on the countertop, beside the sink this time, and Lennie swings her feet and laughs at his jokes and accepts the kisses he offers while dodging soapy hands.

And Joel thinks what a privilege it is to have a smart beautiful thing here purely to keep you company and not because your back needs watchin’.

_____

“You want the tour?” Joel finally asks, crumpling a dish towel between his hands before he hangs it on the oven handle and dries the backs of his hands on his jeans. 

“Sure.”

"You sure you're sure, you didn't sound sure."

"I am."

"Alright. Thought you'd say somethin' smart," he helps her down from the countertop and places her feet back on the floor, "like 'is this a ploy to get me into your bedroom, Miller?'" He pitches his voice up a hair and mimics her northeastern accent.

"Is it?"

"Do you want it to be?"

Lennie doesn't answer.

He refills their whiskey instead and starts with the bottom floor.  

Joel's home is still sparse because he hasn’t quite filled the space yet. The house had sat vacant for years before folks borrowed trinkets to adorn their own spaces and bartering for replacements had been too low on his list of priorities. 

The pictures of someone else’s family have been taken down and relegated to a box somewhere. 

Joel has none of his own. 

Lennie hangs back as he shows her Ellie’s ‘lair’ and ‘the good bathroom’ with the bathtub, her glass of whiskey clutched in both hands, always sticking to the doorway of each room as Joel guides her through. 

She never quite sets her feet over thresholds.

And Joel notices, but he can’t figure out why.

“You have a record player,” Lennie’s eyes light up when she spots it in the corner of the living room upon their return.

“Not sure if it works, haven’t tried it. But there are a few albums left,” Joel sets his glass down on the coffee table and slumps down on the couch, suddenly aware of the dull ache in his back from being on his feet far too long. 

He notices that she wants to check but it’s like she needs permission.

“Go on, take a look,” he urges her and Lennie sits on her heels in front of the media cabinet as she flips through the small collection. 

She hums to herself, “mm, we don’t have this one,” and he notes the use of the word but doesn’t ask, because she’s holding up a Diana Krall album with light in her eyes and asking if she can put it on.  

“Only if you’ll dance with me,” he stands, ignoring the way his back muscles protest because the need to hold her again is too strong. 

“Didn’t take you for a dancing man,” she takes his hand as the soft sound of jazz fills the room. 

He fits both hands around the small of her back as she encircles his neck.

He can feel the faintest tremor thrumming through her muscles.

And the way she's too conscious of her breathing.

“Hey, Len,” and she feels it rumble through his chest where she’s held tight there, “can I ask you somethin’?”

She hums.

“What’s up? You’re like a— a vampire.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Joel.”

“It’s okay if you are. Just. Warn a man.”

Lennie doesn't laugh.

“I’m sorry.”

“And stop apologizing.” She feels him smile into her hairline. “Len, what’s going on?”

“I’ll try. You made the most beautiful dinner, and damn good old fashioneds, and you have a beautiful house. It’s been such a lovely evening.”

“You leavin’?” Joel pulls back and stares down into her eyes because those are leavin’ words.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Not even a little bit, baby,” he pulls her in close again, swaying her to the music, his tone suggesting what she’s just said is the most ridiculous thing in the world because it is. 

But she sniffs hard against his collar and he leans back again to get a look at her face.

Lennie’s eyes are swimming. 

The gold is lost. 

“Oh, Lenora. No, no, no, none of that. I ain’t kickin’ you out.”

He takes her face in his hands with all of the tenderness he’s capable of. 

Like clutching at a frantic sparrow with a broken wing.

And Joel briefly wonders if the kindest thing he can do is snap its neck.

He can’t. Its claws have already dug into his heart.

“You don’t have to leave, Len. Please don’t leave. Not yet.”

And gears gnash against each other in Joel’s brain because what he wants to say might lead to a flood.

Flood now and rebuild later. 

“I think we gotta clear the air on something though.”

She tenses in his hold even against the soothing of his hand down her spine.

“Yeah?”

“You gotta tell me what’s going on, baby,” he still soothes, keeping her head tucked under his chin.

“You closed up again tonight. M' glasses are gone.”

After a moment, “why the tears when I ask you to stay? And why don’t you ever ask for what you want, Len?”

She breaks from him to stare up into big brown eyes that are soft despite the firmness in his tone.

And the last thing Lenora wants to do is finish this evening by dropping her baggage off at his doorstep. But Joel can read in her expression that she’s about to deflect and his voice sharpens.

“Your honest answer, Len. We can’t do this if we ain’t honest. I may be out of practice, but I know that much.”

“Because I’m afraid to want things, Joel.”

Lenora answers quick because Lenora knows where all of her shit is. 

She just doesn’t know what to do about it.

“Why.” He presses again. Firmly, but far from devoid of compassion.

“Because I’m terrified they won’t want me back.”

“I think it’s pretty clear that I do, though.”

“That’s exactly it. You terrify me.” She’s out of his hold now and he thinks better of pulling her in again. “All of this is terrifying.”

“But why, Lenora.”

“Have you ever felt needed, but not wanted, Joel?” She snaps back.

And Lennie watches the consideration of it ping around his brain.

Sarah, his precious baby girl who needed him for food and shelter and comfort, wanted him for the same from the moment she could parse the two. She loved her daddy. Screamed her head off the entire first week of kindergarten because she wanted her daddy.

Sarah’s mom didn’t need or want him. She made that clear.

Tess didn’t need him. A guard dog has his uses but she could have found anyone. Tess wanted him. Even after they blew up that night. When he screamed “I can’t love you” so loudly that their mismatched glasses shook in their cabinets. Tess still held him at night. Because Tess wanted him.

And Ellie, now safe in the want from the need side of things, still seeks just him out for comfort. She’s fed all day by the folks down at Mess and Mr. Hayes at the farm, and Jess who makes those maple candies. She is safe, her Uncle Tommy sees to that. But she still curls up at his side in lamp light on chilly nights. She chooses him.

“I can’t say that I have.”

“Yeah. It’s all I’ve felt these last few years,” She’s taken a seat on the edge of the couch cushion like she’s afraid to settle in, gaze locked on the rug. Biting back tears. “Needed but not wanted. And not, feeling unwanted, just, not experiencing it—proactively. In the affirmative.”

“People here need me, but I’m a fixture.” Her voice is monotone as she continues. “Permanently cemented to the floor in my shop. They come and go, they take and they give you something material in exchange.”

“They look at me and see through me, Joel.” She gestures at her heart with her hands.

“They seek me out because they need me. But slot someone else with my knowledge behind that bar and really, there’s no difference. Occasionally someone shares a mug of tea or a glass of gin and I love that, I really do.”

She swipes the back of her hand quickly over her cheek.

“But the one person who ever wanted me died in my arms and he took it with him.”

“And I felt so empty, Joel.” Her fragile whisper cracks. “Everything just became so cold.” 

“Tommy told me what happened,” he whispers, “to Andy.”

Lennie looks up at him through tears.

“I didn’t have anyone, Joel. For years. And I forgot what that felt like.”

And in this moment, Joel realizes that he’s never actually been alone either.

He had Sarah.

He had Tommy. 

He had Tess.

He had Ellie.

You keep going for family.

She had no one.

And she kept going anyway.

He can’t say he would have been that strong. 

He wasn’t. That first night without his daughter. 

Without his heart.

“I forgot what it felt like to have someone spend hours talking to you because they want to. To have someone just to sit with in front of a fire. To share a sunset with. To make…fucking dinner with so you don’t have to do it all on your own.” She gestures weakly towards the kitchen.

“To be held and kissed and touched, Joel.” 

Her voice is so small now, rasped through the pain that crushes her from the inside out and Joel wants desperately to hold her again but he settles for clenching his fist and shoving his fingers in his pockets. 

He wants her to let it out.

"And I'm sorry that it breaks me apart like this," she swipes at her cheeks again, angrier this time. "It feels like something that shouldn't even matter, like I should be able to do this on my own."

“Andy left and touch went out of my life. Companionship. This feeling of being wanted. And I convinced myself I didn’t want it anymore. Didn’t need it.”

“And then you came out of fucking nowhere.”

Lenora holds a hand out and stares into her palm, “and to have it placed in front of you like food after famine.”

“Knowing that at any moment you could do something to have it snatched away.”

Her fist closes now. 

“And I feel like I have no right to exist in someone else’s space and I think maybe if I just don’t take up room. Maybe if I’m not too loud, or too headstrong, maybe if I don’t ask, it’ll stick around for just a little while longer. I’ll make that compromise.”

“Because it’s the only thing I want. To have someone want me.”

“And I am terrified of fucking it up, Joel,” her voice is low as she finishes, finally angling her eyes back up at him.

Cheeks wet with tears that flow too fast for her to catch.

And Joel steps around the coffee table to kneel in front of her, noticing how she stiffens with the action of it, not unlike she did when Ellie hugged her in the stables.

How she flinches when someone gets too close. 

Where she melted before, she freezes up again for fear of having said too much.

Of having been too much.

Felt too much.

Taken up too much space here in his home.

Her nerves are still terrified of affection, regardless of how badly he longs to give it.

How badly she needs to receive it.

And Joel pushes the boundary a fraction, brushing a curl that clings to his finger off of her cheek.

Running calloused knuckles as softly as he can down the salty streaks that mar her skin.

“Because it’s perfect?” He asks barely above a whisper, mouch catching on the syllables.

“Because it’s perfect, Joel,” she breathes, relaxing upon her skin’s recognition of his.

His heart jumps.

“Because it’s a taste of everything I’ve always wanted and the last time I had that, my entire world shattered and I’m afraid, Joel.”

“But for right now?” The pads of his fingers trace one tendon of her neck, as his eyes meet hers again, “it’s perfect?”

“Yeah,” she breathes, warm against his skin.

“Then let it be perfect, Lenora.”

And Joel closes the gap that opened between them with his lips. Feather-soft brushes at first before they feel the need to convince her more ardently.

He kisses her until she kisses back.

Until she winds her fingers in his hair and opens to let his tongue slip inside.

Until she lets herself feel his face in her hands and the taste of him in her mouth.

Joel only stops when she breaks for breath, chin reddened from the scrape of his beard.

“For as long as it is, Lenora” he whispers against her lips, “let it be perfect.”

And she clutches his massive face in her palms, searching his eyes.

Receiving nothing but sincerity in return.

She presses her forehead against his, “yeah.”

“Promise me, Lenora.”

“I promise.”

“You swear that’s the truth? The whole truth and nothing bu…”

“Stooop, Joel,” she chides weakly at his poor man's joke, touching the tip of her nose to his before kissing him again.

He smiles and hums from deep in his chest.

“Len?” He whispers against her lips.

“Yeah,” she sniffs, attempting to stuff it all back inside.

“What do you want?" Another kiss pressed to her mouth, "right in this moment, what do you want?”

“No thinking,” he adds, head spinning from having her this close. “What do you want?”

“I want you to touch me.”

“Where?” Joel breathes against her mouth.

“Everywhere.”

Joel stands, uncaring of how his knees click with the motion, and holds out a hand.

Her small palm is skittish in his hold.

Joel laces his fingers with hers.

“It’s warmer upstairs.”

"Is this a ploy to get me into your bedroom, Miller?" Lennie sniffles and Joel looks her dead in the eyes.

"Yes. Yes it is."

_____

Joel guides her to sit on the edge of the bed, kneeling before her again to slip her sandals from her feet, encircling her ankles gently with each hand before trailing his fingers up the backs of her calves. 

She shivers but not from the temperature.

Joel pulls off his socks before shedding his flannel and t-shirt, tossing both onto a chair in the corner.

He makes himself more vulnerable than she feels.

Her eyes track him around the room before he settles beside her on the edge of the bed, cupping her cheek and turning her face in towards him.

“Are you cold?” He presses a kiss to her lips.

“No.” Heat from the kitchen has risen, warming the whole upper floor.

“Are you sure? I can start a fire.” He nods behind him at the fireplace in his bedroom.

“I’m okay,” she reaches to run a hand down his forearm.

“Whatever you need. You tell me, okay?”

“Yeah.”

His mouth is a quick distraction before his tongue slips against hers. 

Joel's palm fits to her cheek, thumb tracing one cheekbone.

Fingers trail down the side of her neck and skate gently over the front of her throat before his hand flattens over her breastbone, tucking under the collar of her dress. 

His lips break from hers to kiss her neck and suck on her ear as he palms one shoulder.

Lennie reaches down to undo the tie of her dress before Joel asks if he can instead.

Chill bumps form on her skin when he unwraps linen, broad palm soothing warm over her stomach when it’s finally bare.

He shifts with her to help slip it from her form, mouth never far from hers before he lands the dress on the chair over his own clothes. Lennie's hands fly to his hair slipping soft strands between her fingers as she finally turns her body in towards him.

The warmth that radiates from his skin sets her head spinning.

He presses kisses to her collarbone before returning to her mouth. 

“Lie back, Len.” He whispers there.

Joel follows, fitting one knee between her legs. A palm on either side of her head, careful of her long hair.

“This okay?”

“Yeah,” she hums with arms around his neck when he tips his head to run his nose over the lines of ink on her left arm, licking at the sensitive ditch of her elbow before he nips at her bicep. 

The press of his bare chest against her skin when he mouths at one breast through her bra makes Lennie moan and arch up against the solid weight of him.

He shifts lower to trail his nose over her ribs. Inhaling the cedar scent of her soap and pressing kisses to every inch of skin, pulling soft gasps from her throat.

He notes what makes her breath catch. What makes her fingers tighten in his hair and nails sink into his shoulders.

Joel worships down to her hipbones before Lennie grows too impatient to allow him to continue. 

“Joel,” she pants and he angles big brown eyes up at her, “I need you.”

He wraps one hand around the meat of her thigh, shifting on the bed to settle properly between her legs, rubbing at her hips.

He mouths at her stomach before hooking fingers in the waistband of her underwear.

“May I?”

“God, please yes,” she pants.

Joel slips fabric down her legs and off of her toes, hanging her panties off the footboard before his lips trail up her inner thighs.

Lennie trembles.

"This okay?" Joel runs his palms over the creases of her thighs as she nods, thumbs brushing at soft fluff before spreading her open with a deep, needy groan.

One thumb gently starts rubbing circles over her clit and Lennie gasps.

“Mmm,” he growls as he lowers his face and breathes the scent of her deep, exhaling with a moan before his tongue darts out to lick his bottom lip.

She’s already slick with anticipation.

Joel tentatively trails the flat of his tongue over her slit and Lennie moans and writhes in his hold. He continues, thumbs holding her open, tongue learning what makes her cant her hips towards his face. 

What makes her moan his name.

His tongue dips inside of her and she keens and fists the sheets, tipping her head to the side as he curls the tip of it before one hand slings a leg over his shoulder.

Joel’s lips latch to her clit and she rolls her hips but one palm holds her firm, splayed against her stomach as two fingers tease before slipping into her heat, the slide made easy by her arousal. Joel quirks them, feeling for that spot where the silk of her gives way to texture before he beckons, coaxing a soft cry from her throat.

He presses his hips into the mattress in an effort to give his aching cock some manner of relief.

“Joel…oh fuu—” she whimpers as the tip of his tongue flicks against that sensitive bundle of nerves before he soothes with the flat of it and repeats. One of Lennie's hands tangles in soft ashen brown curls, raking, caressing, tugging when his fingers become more insistent. 

“Taste so fuckin’ good,” he murmurs against her, rubbing the high bridge of his nose where his tongue just left, fingers still building in pace.

Lennie reaches up with her other hand to clamp it over her own mouth when his tongue starts twirling soft circles around her clit before he sucks hard.

Her hips buck against him and his eyes flick up towards her face.

Cameras are a thing Joel misses.

Lennie’s head is thrown back, resting on a halo of black curls splayed against his pillows, palm doing a poor job of stifling the moans that come from her chest now. 

A chest that heaves for breath.

Breathlessness that he’s causing.

And so he stares for a moment, pressing the image into his mind like a wet flower between the pages of a book. 

One that succumbs to the weight but leaves an imprint of its own against the text.

“There’s no one here, baby,” he whispers, reaching his free hand up to soothe over her sternum, “it’s just me.” He laps at her again, “you can be as loud as you want.”

The hand over her mouth slips down to run across his, holding him holding her as her ribs heave.

“Joel?” She gasps in warning.

“Go on, beautiful,” he murmurs against her heat. “Come for me.”

And she falls apart between his fingers and his tongue with his name lodged in her lungs on an inhale.

She only breathes again when her muscles give up their grip. Joel promptly stuffs his fingers into his mouth, cleaning them with an audible pop.

Stuttering breath catches in her throat before she swallows hard. Joel makes his way up her body again until she tastes the tang of her release on his lips.

��I’m a bit out of practice, but I hope…” he starts.

“Jesus, Joel.” She laughs and rakes her fingers through his hair. “You were…that was.” A breathless whisper. “Perfect. That was perfect.”

He hums and nuzzles her jaw as she basks in the heat of him. 

Basks in his attention as plush lips suck at hers.

And as his tongue slips inside he feels it.

Feels her melting again.

“Joel,” her hand clutches the hair at the nape of his neck before he tips his face to look into her eyes.

“Hmm.”

“I need you inside me,” she whispers.

“Whatever the lady wants,” he mouths at the curve of one breast through the fabric of her bra. “the lady gets.”

She sits up as he leaves the bed for a moment to undress, propping herself up with hands behind her back, knees knocked together.

Watching as generous fingers deftly unlatch his belt. As he steps out of his jeans and hangs them over the arm of the chair, careful not to leave them lying on her dress where the weight of denim would cause linen to wrinkle.

She watches as he bends to slip off his boxer briefs, noting the hole in the hip just below the elastic band from where his thumbs have worn threads away. 

Lennie watches the breadth of his shoulders and the curve of his bum and the strength of his form and the smile on his face when he turns to her again.

She tucks her chin against her shoulder, staring up at him through big, bright eyes before her gaze slips lower to where his cock stands thick and proud against the soft swell of his stomach.

This man. 

This broad, rugged, brutal, yet tender-hearted thing.

Wants her.

“Hey,” the corner of his lips quirk as he settles back onto the bed to sit beside her.

“Hey,” she echoes, tipping her face towards him. His fingers find her jaw and his mouth finds hers again. He feels her smile and it makes his lips spread into a grin, teeth accidentally clacking against hers.

“Sorry, baby.”

She just wraps a hand around the base of his strong neck and pulls him down with her against the pillows.

Joel’s palm splays across her stomach, rubbing warm circles into her skin as his tongue slips against hers, cock pressed against her thigh.

“Skin ‘s so soft, Len.” Joel presses his lips to her collarbone, shifting to kiss down her sternum.

“Mm, you’ve said that before,” she runs a hand through his hair before soothing across the span of his shoulders, briefly fascinated by the size of him.

At how much space he takes up.

“‘Cause it’s true,” he drags his nose against where the underwire of her bra bites into her flesh, “I like it. I like you, Len.”

Joel rubs his bearded cheek down her stomach and she squirms.

“Jesus, Joel that tickles—”

He hums a laugh that turns to a low growl, big brown eyes angled up towards her for permission.

She parts her legs and he settles between them, palms dipping into the curves of her waist and smoothing low over her stomach.

Joel meets her eyes as he rocks his hips, tentatively sending his cock slipping through the slick at her core.

She gasps and reaches for his wrists as he continues coating his length to ease the slide.

Massive palms hitch at the creases of her thighs, one thumb guiding his cock to notch at her entrance.

Brown eyes lock and Joel slowly presses inside of her.

Watching as her lids flutter shut while his mouth falls open. Tongue tracing the inside of his bottom teeth.

He pauses until her grip on his wrists relaxes, starting up a slow rock of his hips as her teeth catch her lip.

He takes his time with her.

Time to adjust.

Time for her to sink into the feel of him. Into how he presses and stretches and pulls and grips.

Time to build. In pace, in pressure, in urgency until finally he lets the reins out.

The way Joel fucks is devastating.

Hard, driving strokes that move her to brace one palm up against his headboard. 

The roll in surprisingly loose hips that causes his cock to catch on her g-spot with every stroke before pressing farther against the deepest parts of her.

Palms that knead the flesh of her hips. Gripping to bruising.

A pace that builds in speed before slowing again when he presses himself deeper, grinding his pubic bone against her clit

Lennie twists in his hold, hands gripping at down and cotton as she sinks her teeth into a pillow that smells of woodfire and Joel and her ponderosa soap.

"Joel," she moans, "wait, I want—"

Immediately he stills, sucking in breath through his teeth.

"Y' okay?" He murmurs, watching her chest heave.

"Yeah," she rakes curls out of her face, "'m gonna boss you around for a minute though."

Joel bites his bottom lip and gently bucks his hips against hers. "Good."

"Move for a second?"

Joel pulls out and they both whimper at the loss as he sits back on his heels.

Lennie turns to lay flat on her stomach before casting an expectant look back over her shoulder.

Joel let's out a soft "oh fuck" and she arches her back slightly, accentuating an ass that Joel just has to touch.

She hums as he palms her flesh before fitting his thumbs into the dimples at the base of her spine.

"C'mon, Joel," she moans, tucking her nose back into his pillow, "don't keep a girl waiting."

"Yes, ma'am," and he shifts to straddle her form before sheathing his cock inside of her again, moving slowly, testing the angle. His fingers dig into her hips as he alternates between hard thrusts and a slow rock that grinds the head of his cock against the mouth of her womb.

And Lennie can't keep quiet now even if she tried.

He smirks when one hand again reaches to steady herself against the headboard and takes it as license to hook a hand over her shoulder to pull her against him when his hips slam forward.

"Oh ff—" She moans from her chest.

“Still with me, Len?” he growls over the staccato of skin on skin.

"You're too far away," she pants and Joel folds to brace his palms against the mattress and press his chest against her back.

The soft swell of his stomach fits perfectly to the curve of her spine.

He envelops her in his breadth and his weight and his heat and finally the wet of his mouth where he sucks at the delicate skin just behind her ear.

"Better, baby?"

“God yes,” she moans, “don’t stop, Joel.” Lennie’s head falls back against his shoulder and he grins.

“There she is.”

And she comes white hot with his name on her lips and his nose buried in her hair.

Joel presses deep for as long as he can before he feels himself hurtle towards the inevitable brink.

The moment he moves to pull out, Lennie reaches to catch a scruffy cheek that's burning with heat.

"Joel, stay," she moans, turning her face towards his.

"'Y— fuck — y' sure—" he grits out, panting frantically against her cheek.

"Want you inside," she gasps against his lips and it sends his hips slamming against hers as he comes with a shout, cock throbbing as he spills himself deep, weight briefly collapsing against her.

"Lenora," he whispers when his senses return.

She hums, boneless underneath him, basking in the way one palm trails down her ribs as he shifts to pull out and settle to one side of her.

Fingers skipping over the damp skin of her back before engulfing the base of her skull.

"Lenora, look at me."

She does, hazy and molten, eyes glittering with low lamp light.

"Can you stay the night?"

And her face splits with laughter before he pulls her in against his chest.

"Yeah, Joel," she nuzzles his collarbone, "I'd like that."

_____

“God she’s such a fucking bitch!” Ellie screams when she bursts through the front door just after 8 o'clock the next morning.

Lennie immediately stiffens, looking to Joel for all the world like the panicked deer that’s jumped out in front of a car. He holds up a hand in her direction and Lennie has no idea what the fuck that’s supposed to mean because she’s sitting at Joel’s kitchen table in nothing but his brown flannel shirt and her come-damp panties and by all accounts she’s not supposed to be here.

“Hey, don’t slam the door,” he calls in Ellie’s direction, her heavy footsteps getting louder as she makes her way towards the kitchen.

“She tore up my fucking book, Joel!” She’s rounded the corner now, “she tore up Will Liv—heeeyyy, Lennie.”

Fucking caught now.

“Hey, Ellie,” she tugs Joel's shirt further down over her bare thighs.

Ellie’s eyebrows are in her hairline, eyes flitting between the pair of them before she speaks after what feels like an hour.

“Good job, old man. You bagged the prettiest girl in town,” Ellie slaps Joel on the back before moving to grab a plate from the dish rack.

“Ellie…”

“Oh shit,” something connects for her as she takes a seat, “that’s where you were the other night. When you came slinking in at like four in the morning.” She locks eyes with Lennie, “your house.”

And Joel’s been struck dumb because “Ellie” with varying degrees of annoyance seems to be all he can bring himself to say as she dishes out bacon and eggs.

“Honestly, though, it’s about time he got laid.” This to Lennie, who’s wide-eyed, red in the face, and certain that she wants to die.

“And there are worse people I could be forced to sit across the breakfast table from,” she shovels a forkful of scrambled eggs into her mouth. “You know Martha has a crush on him right?" She throws a thumb in Joel's direction. "The school teacher? The ditzy one.”

“Okay, Ellie, room, now.” Joel grinds out.

“What, she does! Everyone in town knows that.”

“Ellie, wha…who is Martha? What are you talkin’ about?”

“Actually, everyone in town does know that,” Lennie murmurs.

“See?" Ellie gestures towards Lennie. "Thank you.”

“Hey, Joel?” Tommy calls as the front door slams behind him. “Jimmy wanted to see if we could help with the barn today and I told him—heeeyyy, Lennie.”

“I suppose this is the first and last time you’ll ever spend the night,” Joel looks over to where Lennie’s clutching the sleeves of his flannel in her hands and covering the bottom half of her face.

“It’s the first and last time I don’t leave before sunrise.”

“Alright, look,” Tommy reaches over Joel’s shoulder for two strips of bacon, “I’ll get outta here, you swing by whenever and we’ll discuss the barn, Ellie, you’re with me kid. Len?” He grins. “You enjoy your morning.”

“I’m not finished breakfast,” Ellie protests.

“Bring the plate. I don’t care. It’s across the way. I got a kitchen table too, c’mon, hustle.”

And to their surprise she grabs her plate and heads for the door. Tommy follows, throwing a wink over his shoulder before they hear the front door swing shut.

Keys jingle and the lock latches.

Lennie’s eyes are wide when she finds Joel’s stare again.

And to her surprise, he bursts out laughing.

The way it shakes his shoulders and rounds out his cheeks is contagious and she can’t help but follow suit. 

When the mirth calms he reaches out for Lennie and encourages her onto his lap. 

“‘M so sorry about that, Len.”

“It’s—" she rubs at his heart over the fabric of his t-shirt, "it’s okay.”

She means it too.

“You know," she wraps an arm around his neck, "I’m actually just fucking you to get back at Martha,” she teases, sucking languidly on Joel’s bottom lip.

And it drags another laugh from his chest.

“Is that so?” Joel nuzzles her neck before kissing a path down her skin. “Sounds like you’re puttin’ a target on your back being here.”

“Make it worth my while then, Miller.”

And he does.

He eats her out again on the kitchen table, right there between the bacon and eggs. Has her coming on his tongue with one of her hands tangled in his hair and the other clamped over her mouth lest anyone hear. 

He’s tempted to rip it away.

Let this Martha know exactly who Joel Miller is fucking.

The prettiest girl in town.

At least the door's locked.

And Lennie's safe here.

She's wanted. Right here.

Taglist: @iamskyereads @harriedandharassed @jessthebaker @anoverwhelmingdin

Old chapters are hosted on the OFFS Library page. New chapters will be posted to Ohforficsake - follow me over there for future updates.

Shoot me a message @ohforficsake or comment under this post if you would like to be added to the taglist for updates! Thanks so much for reading.

[milkymoon2483]

The Blue Elephant

Push & Pull - Episode 1 Frank Castle X Plus Size Jewish OFC

Series Masterlist | Next Episode

Summary: DBF but dad’s dead. Your’e going back to your small town for your father’s funeral and Shiva. You know you’re about to face family drama but what worries you the most is that you’re going to see HIM.

Disclaimers: 

This episode mentions a 14 year old girl having an UNRECIPROCATED crush on a much older man. HE SEES HER AS A CHILD at this point. 

I’m Jewish (and plus size) but I do not live in the US, so there might be some differences in the way certain things are done and some inaccuracies. My apologies. 

Yes this is self indulgent because I’m feral for this man.

I’m secular and will not be discussing Judaism in length. Will explain some basics though that are mentioned in the story.

Rating: E.18+. MINORS DNI.

Warnings: Teenage crush on a much older man, Mentions of alcoholism, divorce, trauma, plus size reader, insecurities, age gap, violence, sex, food, and probably a bunch of other stuff. This is a little dark. WC: ~3300

Thank you my lovelies. @romanarose @hbc8 @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @boysddontcry @imaswellkid

The blue elephant.

Your phone rang in an ungodly hour, waking you up from a dream you had forgotten as soon as you opened your eyes.  8:15 AM. Who dares calling you this early on semester break?! 

"Hello, am I speaking to Hannah Friedman?" 

"Hi, yes, who is this?" You answered, barely recognizing your own voice that was hoarse with sleep.  

"Miss Friedman, my name's Michael Katz, I was your father's attorney. I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm calling regarding his will." 

Confusion flooded you, and for a moment you were sure the man calling had the wrong number.

Suddenly your heart dropped, the true meaning of his words not fully sinking into your skull just yet. 

"Miss Friedman….?" His voice tried to break the long pause. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"I'm calling regarding your father's will, since he passed away…" 

"Shit. Sorry, I just…I didn't know. Shit. When did it happen?" 

Your father was dead.

Michael Katz, bless his heart, apologized profusely for the terrible way you had to find out. He proceeded to explain everything in great detail, making sure to schedule a meeting with you as soon as you got into town for his funeral. He died in the early hours of the previous evening. Cirrhosis complications after years of excessive drinking, that’s what finally did him in, a part of you was surprised he lasted that long. 54 years old at the time of his death, Saul Friedman was a sick man, and not much of a father to begin with. A recovering alcoholic at the best of times, he rarely called or took much interest in your life, despite living 45 minutes away. 

When you turned twelve things changed for the better, after bumping into you on a trip to a local supermarket with your mom and her new boyfriend, he suddenly felt an urgent need to get sober, and get to know you better. Your mother agreed, she took less convincing than both of you had anticipated. You ended up visiting more, and staying for a few weeks each summer, the community pool around the corner being your main incentive. Your relationship was never able to fully recover, but you both tried your best. You’d often say you loved him but sometimes didn’t really like him. 

Your mother was his second wife, and after three years of marriage and one kid, they divorced, very much non-amicably, leaving a trail of wreckage behind them.  You were thankful that you were just a toddler, too young to truly understand how deeply they've wounded each other clawing their way out of what your mother described to be the ‘worst three years of my goddamn life’.  You'd often wonder, had she not been jewish, would she be saved from the displeasure of ever marrying him in the first place. Your grandparents must have insisted on him having jewish children, and according to Halacha*, their mom had to be one. 

You remembered the last time you visited him, the visit was cut short when you caught him drinking again. “ You don't get to preach me” he lashed out at you,  “You’re a bitch just like your mother”. 

You left abruptly after that, not willing to take more of his crap. At that point you were visiting for him, because you felt obligated to do that. That sense of obligation was gone.

He called to apologize a few weeks later, but the dry conversation left much to be desired. Since then you’ve called and texted occasionally, but you never came to visit again, coming up with various excuses to avoid it. 

Now he was dead.

"At least he knew when to die.." you later told your best friend, Grace. He had the sensibility to pass on right at the beginning of the winter break from college, giving you a good few weeks to deal with it before coming back to school to finish your final year. You could share your appreciation for your fathers morbid timing with Grace, but there was one thing you couldn't. A thought so shameful you smacked it back to where it came from as soon as it surfaced. You refused to acknowledge it, refused to name it, there would be no talking and no thinking of him. Not right now.

It was about as effective as telling yourself not to think about a blue elephant. You kept playing the game of 'whack a mole' with your brain, and kept losing.  Your father was dead, and it took you mere seconds to realize that you’re going to see him.

Summer 2013

You looked at yourself in the water- damaged mirror, it was crooked and filled with specks of rust, large stains of disilvering ate away at your reflection. The one piece purple bathing suit was wet, clinging to your form, accentuating the awkward lumpiness of your chest and belly under the harsh fluorescent lighting. Your mother picked it out with you, from the sale rack in TJmaxx’s women’s department. That miserable shopping trip almost made you cry. Most of them did. Your adolescent body didn't look right, didn't feel right. It was all too much, too round, too full. You’d follow your much smaller mother around the shops, gradually losing hope with every one you passed, settling eventually on another trip to Starbucks. An iced vanilla latte was sure to cheer you up.  You took solace in your sunglasses, rimmed in a bright red thick frame. The ones you nagged your dad into buying you, they made you feel cool. As cool as you could, that is. A piece of 'coolness' that belonged to you. You placed them on your nose with a slight sense of pride, heading out of the bathrooms. 

Your eyes searched for him immediately, finding him lounging on one of the sun-beds. Alone. Walking as inconspicuously as you could, you sat on the bed next to him, pretending not to notice him. You dove head first into your bag, looking for your phone. don’t look at him, don't look at him. Your thoughts raced, desperately hoping that he would be the one to look at you.

You've known Frank for a couple of years, as your dad's friend and neighbor. He would often join you for Shabbat dinner, bringing a bottle of a non- alcoholic beverage or some fruit. He was younger than your dad but you weren't sure by how much.

You’ve always found him hot, it was impossible not to, with his sharp jaw and boyish smile. He was tall and broad and handsome. You nursed your little secret crush on him, getting excited and giddy every time he came to visit, not daring to mention to anyone that you even found this old man so attractive.

This, however, was the first time you’ve seen him shirtless, and your fourteen year-old self could not handle the sight. You gawked at the grown man uncontrollably, your gaze hidden only by your ‘cool’ sunglasses.  The biceps, the pecs, the broadness of his shoulders and the way his torso tapered into his waist. The dip of his spine, the muscles of his back, the way the droplets of water clung to his skin and made it glisten…it all made your brain short- circuit, melt under the fog of hormones.

“Hey kiddo, I like the sunglasses” He suddenly said, in a tone more cheerful than you’d expected.

“Thanks” you muttered. It took your poor brain a few attempts to signal your mouth to smile. You hated it when he called you ‘kiddo’. You wished it would be ‘sweetheart’ or ‘darling' or ‘doll’.

“Can I try them on?” he smirked.

You handed them to him without a word, scrunching your face at the sun. Youv'e learned that it is often better to say nothing rather than risk embarrassing yourself. 

Frank put them on, they looked ridiculous of course, the bright red cat-eye was in sharp juxtaposition to his purely masculine features. He chuckled and pulled on the temple tips behind his ear- bouncing them on his large nose, causing you to giggle. 

"There she is! Don't be so serious all the time, kiddo. Have some fun" he smiled and handed them back to you, the tip of his finger brushing against yours. Never washing my hands again. You decided, as he got up and headed towards the pool. Your eyes followed him as usual, admiring the broadness of him. 

The water was buzzing with activity, and all you could think about is how much you'd love it to be empty. It was far too crowded to swim, but it did allow you to keep staring uninterrupted. 

The friendly game of 'throw the ball as hard as you can and cause the biggest splash' was on. Your dad had your cousin  Jacob on his shoulders, the scrawny nine year old was doing quite a bit of damage, landing a throw so accurate it splashed violently all across Frank's face. 

Frank shook the water off, spotting you in the corner of the pool, and swam right towards you. "Come on Hannah banana, I need your help, let's get em' " he smiled widely, and before you had a chance to respond he dove underneath you. 

The gravity beneath you shifted as he began lifting you up from the water. You yelped loudly and grabbed tightly at the head that popped up between your legs, trying to steady yourself. 

You haven't done this since you were seven, when you were light enough to be held on anyone's shoulders, but Frank lifted you up effortlessly, like you weighed nothing, like it was no trouble at all. 

Your thighs squeezed against his neck and shoulders. The ball somehow landed in your hands but all you could think about were franks palms, gripping your legs tightly, keeping you firmly on him. A heady mixture of emotions stirred in your belly. The fear of falling into the pool, mixed with the exhilaration of Frank's hands on your thighs. You could see his large fingers pressing into your flesh, and it was making your head spin. 

You threw the ball as hard as you could, landing a pretty decent splash on your aunt's face. She laughingly demanded her son 'avenge her'. A few more splashes and Jacob came face to face with you, attempting to push you off Frank's shoulders. The poor kid clearly underestimated your determination, and promptly landed in the water, ass first. Frank cheered you on, patting his large palm on your leg before letting you fall into the pool with a little nudge. You emerged from the water laughing, the adrenaline coursing through your veins so potent you could not stop, giggling almost uncontrollably as it sizzled through you.  "Yeah! We win! suck it!" Frank's arms wrapped around you in a tight hug, your body reciprocated before your mind had a chance to catch up, squishing your cheek against his chest. It was over before you even realized. A quick innocent congratulatory hug, that pressed you against his solid frame that towered over you, sending your already overstimulated brain into a tailspin.

*******

You remembered that day vividly, in detail, every part of your visit to the pool was etched into your mind. It was like a switch flipped, or a wire was plugged in, sometimes you likened it to a detonation of a bomb.  It confused you at first, you were flooded with something so potent that it took you a while to recognize what that was. The tingling sensation between your thighs was familiar, but it was never this intense.  The deep shameful truth was that from that day forward, Frank Castle was responsible for the vast majority of your orgasms, without touching you once. It horrified you at first, especially when you learned that he was 19 years older than you. You were disgusted with yourself, with the thoughts that kept getting increasingly more explicit as you aged. It didn’t matter if you were touching yourself or having sex with someone else. It didn’t matter how it started, it would almost always end with him. His voice, his hands, his face, thinking about him was the sure fire way of making yourself cum. 

You hated yourself for thinking about him right now, on the way to your fathers fucking funeral. It was like a pavlovian response you could not shake. You were equal parts hoping you'd see him and dreading the thought of facing him. It’s been three years since you saw him last, and something changed that day.

Hanukkah 2019

The snow was piling outside, a wintery scene in complete contrast to the heat in your dad's kitchen. You were with your aunt Deborah, Jacob’s mom.  She always loved it when you came to visit, she loved it especially when she got to spend time cooking with you. Being a boy-mom, they never took interest in her cooking. You however loved it, your mother was never much of a cook and this was your chance to learn from a true expert. You were making Sufganiyot* for Hanukkah. The jewish bakery made them well, but Aunt Deborah’s were divine. Something about adding buttermilk to the dough.

When Frank came that day it wasn’t planned. “Deb, are you making the jewish doughnuts again? I can smell it all the way across my yard, you’re killing me” his voice boomed as he entered the house. Your heart skipped. You were in your apron, covered in flour, and very much unprepared to see the man you harbored a weird sexual obsession towards. 

“Come in Frank, they’re still hot” Deborah replied as she met him at the door, and Frank's heavy boots marched straight to the kitchen.

“Oh, hey there Hannah banana” he greeted you fondly, giving you a small wave. 20 years old, and still "Hannah banana"... 

“Hey Frank” you waved back, not taking your eyes off the man. 

He plucked a fresh warm Sufgania off the tray, covered in powdered sugar, with a little dollop of red jam on top. “Mmmm come here baby” he growled and stuffed his face into the soft dough, taking a huge bite, muttering “oh my god” and rolling his eyes back in pleasure. This man will be the death of you.

Frank chewed in delight as you tried not to laugh at him, his nose was covered in powdered sugar and jam. He looked back at you, fully aware of the dire situation of his face. “What? What?? I got something on my face?” he smirked, prompting you to giggle.

“Come here Kiddo, you have to taste this”.

He began to slowly advance towards you, before fully chasing you around the kitchen with the Sufgania in hand. You squealed, ‘trying’ to get away from him and ‘failing’. When he finally caught you and cornered you against the wall, he stuffed the remaining dough in your face. You laughed hysterically while attempting to clean your face from the sugar and jam, wiping a small drop from the corner of your mouth with your thumb, and sucking the finger, looking up at Frank through your lashes. Your eyes met at that exact moment, and for a beat you both got quiet. Too quiet.

His laughter faded into a polite smile almost instantly, as he backed off and walked out of the kitchen. 

He never touched you again after that day. He was not even around for the rest of your visit. You saw him once more, just when you were leaving back to college. Instead of the usual goodbye hug he settled for a wave and a “Bye kiddo”, shortly disappearing back into the house. 

Maybe he saw something in your eyes, something inappropriate that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Maybe that’s when he realized that every time he touched you was like pouring gasoline into a raging fire. Maybe things could have been different, if only you were older, thinner, sexier…not just Saul’s chubby awkward kid. 

It only took a second, one fucking second for Frank to notice what was right in front of him this whole goddamn time. One look into your soft eyes, One flick of pink tongue on your finger, and it was all clear. The thought traveled so fast from his cock to his brain he barely stopped it in time, running out of that kitchen as fast as humanly possible. You were just a kid, Saul’s kid. It was obviously sick to think about you in any other capacity. 

He remembered the time you all went ice skating, how he held your little hand when you kept stumbling and falling. The time when he took you for your first unofficial driving lesson just before you turned 16, in the empty supermarket parking lot. The time when you called him looking for your dad, he told you he’s probably asleep, and you began crying because you knew what that meant.

Were you looking at him like that the entire time? You had no fucking business looking at him like that. How dare you look at him like that.

*******

You had just a few hours to get ready and make the trip back into your hometown for the funeral the following morning. Knowing how jewish funerals worked you weren't surprised, most are buried within 48 hours of passing. 

Just a 3 hour trip from college, it felt like a different planet. You looked out of the frosted car window as Deborah was driving you both to her house, where the shiva* would be held. The snow fell softly and the storefronts decorated for Christmas gave your small town a charming cozy atmosphere. You could almost forget where you were headed. 

Beth Moses cemetery was eerily foggy, the two dozen people who had gathered for your father’s funeral were murmuring almost silently to each other. 

“You shouldn’t have worn that. And take that lipstick off, this is not a party.” your mother whispered as loudly as she possibly could, not taking into consideration that her voice carried. “Cover yourself up, here take my scarf” , you let her drape the back scarf over you, covering the dark gray sweater dress you were wearing under your coat, the one she deemed inappropriate because it showed some cleavage and clung to your belly a little too much for her liking. 

“Well, thanks for the kriah* I won’t be wearing this again after this week, mother” you replied sarcastically. Even though sarcasm never seemed to work on that woman, she was immune to your snide comments, nothing could penetrate the thick layer of self righteousness she wore like her favorite garment the whole fucking time.

“Hey Han”  Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of the familiar deep voice. He appeared before you almost instantly, mercifully tearing your attention from your mother and her constant disapproval. He leaned in for a polite hug, the scent of his cologne flooding your senses, spicy and crisp. He looked the same, just like you remembered and envisioned thousands of times. Same intense dark eyes, same strong jaw, same boxer's nose that you adored. 

“How have you been?” he asked, his voice quiet and grave.

“Hey Frank, I’m ok, yeah..” you replied, robotically, still a little shocked to see him again. 

"Jackie…" he acknowledged your mother with a nod, before proceeding to greet other members of the family. 

The small crowd surrounded the newly dug grave, muttering “amen” with the rabbi as he read the Kadish*. The vapor from their mouths like a silent choir in the cold.

Sunshine broke briefly through the clouds as Saul Friedman’s casket was lowered into the earth. There was something pathetic about how small it looked, and your heart wrenched at the sight. Debora’s silent tears prompted your own but you sniffled, looking up, not allowing them to escape. “Shalom aba” you mumbled as you placed a small stone on the mound of soil that now covered him…

FIN.

Series Masterlist | Next Episode

Halacha - Jewish scripture. According to the rules in order for a person to be considered Jewish their mother needs to be Jewish. (according to Orthodox Judaism) Shiva - “Seven” - a period of seven days after the funeral when the family mourns the death. People often come to visit several times during the shiva. Kriah - “Tearing” - When a next of kin dies, the nuclear family members (parents, children, siblings) have their garments torn, to symbolize mourning. The garment is discarded after the shiva. Sufganiyot - (Singular: Sufganya) - Jewish doughnuts, served on Hanukkah. Traditionally filled with jam and topped with powdered sugar.  Kaddish - A prayer said during the jewish funeral.  Shalom Aba - “Goodbye dad” 

Comments and reblogs are always appreciated.

If you'd like to be tagged in this series or in general please let me know.

[flowerbwrites]

The Red, White, and Royal Blue Movie

Yes this is a movie review, because I was so excited and so disappointed. If you liked the movie, you’re gonna want to skip this review. It’s for my own catharsis, not to start arguments.

If you didn’t like the movie and haven’t read the book - READ THE BOOK. Do not judge this book by its movie!

Keep reading if you want spoilers and my anguished thoughts about all this movie was lacking.

Let me start with: I think there was too much in the book for a movie to cover. Time was the biggest thing missing from the movie, it needed to be a series. If the Summer I Turned Pretty got a series, why was RWRB shoved into a movie? Disgraceful.

The director said he cut “anything that wasn’t about the boys and their love story”. Oh boy is that true! He took this book to a butcher shop and lobbed off 90% of it! If you cut what makes the boys who they are, I think you ruin the love story. A good romance should not JUST be about romance. The characters need to grow, they need to struggle and come to some new understanding of themselves in addition to falling in love.

So let’s start with what he cut, in order of what I was angriest about.

1. June. They cut Alex’s ENTIRE SISTER. She does not appear in the film, Alex is an only child. Gone is June’s struggle with journalism, her mom’s expectations, her mediation of the family drama. All eldest sister relatability. From the first few chapters of the book: Alex pushes them, June steadies them, and Nora keeps them honest. Without June, Alex is off the handle and unsteady. Without the White House Trio, you lose so much of what makes Alex Alex. It also makes this movie fail the Bechtel Test which is wild.

2. Alex coming to terms with his sexuality. Gone is his googling, his running, his trying to understand. Gone is “straight people probably don’t spend this much time convincing themselves they’re straight”. Gone is Alex pinning the iconic photo “if I die of AIDS forget burial just drop my body on the steps of the FDA”. Gone is the pining over magazines and Liam and Luna! No PowerPoint from his mother, no understanding, no learning.

3. Mental illness. There is no touching on Alex’s frenetic energy, habits of running himself ragged, conversations about self care. Gone is Henry’s grief and depression and moods. They cut “On purpose, I love him on purpose”! So much nuance of Henry’s character, all conversations about his dad except a throwaway line. I don’t even remember if they mention he is JAMES BOND’S son. Horrible. All Princess Diana parallels, all the real talk about grief and substance abuse and depression and loving someone with depression.

4. The divorce. That’s right, in the movie, Alex’s parents are still married! All of the content on the family dynamic, Alex trying to be so busy he didn’t care about the divorce, June trying to keep the peace, his mom trying to win re election as a divorced woman. Alex’s parents are really not very involved in the movie. It’s a shame because that was great detail about Alex.

5. Bea’s substance abuse. Also gone. All Henry’s paranoia about press because of that, his need to protect her, the important content about it. Bea gets to be in the movie but appears to be younger than Henry and has maybe three lines.

6. The politics. This is a wild one. But I really felt like they shoved the election in for five minutes at the end. They cut Luna, they cut Richards being a Trump stand in, they cut most of the political commentary in RWRB. In a movie about the presidents son.

7. Alex’s dreams. Without learning about Alex’s deep desire to help people, his tendencies to overwork himself, his dedication to politics, etc etc, he really just comes across as a dumb party boy. So much of Alex was lacking. He was not a boy burning too bright like he is in the books, no Icarus. And when he looks thirty, acting like he’s 21 comes across rough. I hated movie alex.

8. Henry’s mom. She is not in the movie at all. We never learn about her grief and she never gets to come alive to fight for her son. There is no family healing. There is nothing.

9. The slow burn. This movie moved SO FAST. They were making out twenty minutes in while I was waiting on my enemies to lovers content. That’s not the directors fault, again it needed more time. But it depresses me.

Other things the movie cut: Henry’s philanthropical dreams, most of the emails, the “history, huh” shirts, Phillip coming around to stand up for Henry, many of the nights out bonding.

Things they chose to include: the worst sex scene ever where they really make Henry say “I think we should make love” out loud and it’s so awkward. Too many sex scenes, not enough making out, not enough genuine bonding and falling in love.

Crushingly disappointing movie. The book covered so much content, touched on so many issues, and had characters that were so incredibly complex. The book sets us from the first chapter, where Alex wants a Shakespearen love, and delivers on epic romance that deserved to be painted in oil and hung in the White House. Don’t bother with the movie. I’m sorry Casey, but they butchered your boys.

Time for a re-read to remind myself I actually like Alex.

[ultraericthered]

Sephiroth & Ganondorf, two video game villains who got big in the 90s and left legacies that endured for the rest of their franchises, and for whatever reason, I associate both of them with this time of year.

They’ve made many appearances in different games (and one movie in Sephiroth’s case), so I went and graded them all to rank them on a Top 13 list, which I’m laying out here. Ranked from best to worst.

SEPHIROTH

1. Final Fantasy VII (1997): 10/10. A super compelling, powerful, terrifying, and unforgettable bad ass villain, never to be topped. 2. Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core (2007). 9/10. The hardest any other official FFVII work went to nail Sephiroth as a character, though he is sadly still saddled with lots of baggage whether it be backstory with two dull angel wing friends or a shit rendition of One Winged Angel! 3. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (2005). 8/10. For what his role is, he plays it very well, and he actually manages to be legit intimidating again. But it’s literally all he’s there for - he has to fight Cloud and get his ass killed by him AGAIN purely out of obligation. 4. Dissidia: Final Fantasy series. 8/10. Again works very well for what he is. Once you've accepted that this is not the OG Sephiroth, he's actually really cool as his own character on his own merits. 5. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. 8/10. A glorious return to form for Sephiroth after...certain other incidents earlier on in 2020. 6. Mobius Final Fantasy. 7/10. He just does the generic and typical Sephiroth shtick but hey, at least he does it with some nice style!

7. Itadaki Street. 7/10. It's Sephiroth, along with Golbez, Gilgamesh, and Kefka, living in a mundane town and playing party games with Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest characters. That is hilarious! 8. Kingdom Hearts (2002). 6/10. A great bonus boss with a great look, but not much of a true villain since he’s playing by the rules, and both "One Winged Angel" and his voice... have sounded better. 9. Ehrgeiz: God Bless The Ring (1998). 5/10. A guest fighter who nowadays looks young and foolish compared to what we later got in the Dissidia games and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate! 10. Kingdom Hearts II (2005). 4/10. He straight up did not need to be in this game if THIS was the material (and to clarify, I’d much prefer he be in the game since hearing Donald and Goofy say his name should not be passed up!) 11. Final Fantasy VII Remake (2020). 3/10. Why is he in THIS game in any point of it before the finale? Why couple such cool visuals with such bad writing!? Why was Tyler Hochlin's delivery so wooden?!? 12. Before Crisis & Last Order: Final Fantasy VII (2004). 2/10. Worst Sephiroth ever, he looks and acts like a pansy ass bitch! 13. World of Final Fantasy & Kingdom Hearts UX (2015/16) 1/10, total cameo appearances, doesn't even get to say a single thing! (Side Note: Shout out to Final Fantasy VII Machinabridged Series. Sephiroth is prone to many parody versions of him, so how is it that this abridged parody series somehow produced a PERFECTLY accurate replication of the horror of OG Sephiroth who is also the most dark, twisted, and reprehensibly evil take on the character ever seen in anything FFVII-related? It just boggles the mind, I tell you!) GANON 1. Hyrule Warriors series. 10/10. Best looking, best characterized, and most formidable and powerful take on Ganon to date. 2. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (1998). 10/10. All things considered, he was just the perfect villain in this game. 3. Super Smash Bros. series. 9/10. Not always one of the best combatants but certainly never bad and always badass to use. 4. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (2002) 8/10. Whenever he's actually on-screen, he's great. Shame we didn't get all that much of him compared to his showing in Ocarina of Time. 5. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (2006). 7/10. He’s mostly Zant's master who is unseen for most of the game until hijacking him as the final boss at the very end. But he’s a damn good final boss. 6. The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past (1992). 7/10. He’s mostly Agahnim's master who is unseen for most of the game until he's the final boss at the very end, but again, he’s a damn good final boss. 7. The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventure (2004). 6/10. A less effective Hijacking By Ganon to be the final boss at the very end. His backstory isn’t very remarkable and his design looks kinda dumb. 8. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages & Seasons (2001). 5/10. His designs are great but one of them didn't even get used and for the big final boss battle, he's reduced to a mindless, dumb beast! 9. The Legend of Zelda (1986) & The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (2017). 4/10. In both of these games Ganon is just incredibly underwhelming, and in the latter it's not even Ganondorf anymore!

10. BS Legend Of Zelda & Cadence of Hyrule. 4/10. These games are non-canon to the main series timelines and it really shows in Ganon. In the former they took that evil caped pig shilouette Zelda II’s Game Over screen too literally, and in the latter he’s a major Adaptational Wimp who seems almost more like a parody of Ganon!

11. The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds (2013). 3/10. Yuga, the Lorule counterpart to Ganon, is an excellent villain, but his whole thing relies on Ganon being made a chump to get hijacked by him! 12. The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (1993). 2/10. He was just a nightmare, so grab your fuzzy TEDDY BEAR! 13. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987). 1/10, GAME OVER, RETURN OF GANON. That's literally it.

(Side Note: OK, to address the elephant pig in the room, the Ganon from the ever notorious Zelda CDI games would get a 0/10 for not just non-canonical status and lack of faithfulness, but being just atrocious in general. Atrocious design, atrocious animation, atrocious dialogue, atrocious fights and defeats, literally the only thing he has going for him is Mark Berry’s surprisingly dedicated voice acting!)

[bangtangalicious]

death valley (m) | part 8

summary: welcome to death valley. once you’re in, there’s no telling whether you’ll make it out alive. a summer internship turns wild with blurry nights of dangerous men, dirty money, and extremely hot sex. you soon get caught in a savage game of greed, power and obsession, only to find out that you are the grand prize

pairing: ot7 x f.reader smut ft: jin x reader, jungkook x reader, taehyung x reader

genre: smut. yandere. mystery. thriller. gang!au rockstar!au fightclub!au

wordcount: 9.0k

warnings: reader discretion advised. rough sex, physical roughness, sadism kink, pain kink, breast play, fingering, elevator sex (semipublic), praise kink, dirty talk, unrealistic endurance (this is one day LMAO), attempted fire play, bondage, guns, attempted shootings, knife play if you squint, spanking, degradation (name calling, slut shaming, being really mean lolol thanks jin), crying kink? lot of crying, toxic and manipulative behaviors, jin steps on you so there’s that, character death, heavy drug use, paranoia/fear, voyeurism, sex while intoxicated, me trying to put some humor where i can, sweet dom!jungkook, wild dom!jin, and a sprinkle of dom!taehyung ;) ALSO eyebrowpiercing!jungkook. very important. 

a/n: s/o soowoozoo!bts for being my inspo. 

part 0 | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | series navi | masterlist |

F L A S H F O R W A R D--

Goosebumps spread across your skin as the silence set in. The room was chilly, air conditioner buzzing in contrast to the slick humidity of the summer night waiting for you outside. The white light made your eyes ache, the walls were plain, dry, empty.

You stared blankly at the table in front of you. The sound of the pen scratching paper made you ache, remembering kinder days when you and Hobi would be goofing around and writing songs. How did you get here? How did you let this happen?

The previous night, you had dreamt of being at a concert, somewhere far from Death Valley. Losing yourself to music and molly, a soft pair of hands on your hips as you danced the night away, singing at the top of your lungs. Those same hands wrapping around your waist, nose tracing behind your ear to whisper to you how pretty you were. How hot you looked and how badly he wanted to tear your clothes off with his teeth. 

You allowing him to pick you up so easily, take you back to his car where you scrambled into the back seat. Like children. The first kiss was magic, you were glued to him and could barely move on. He wouldn’t leave you for a second, he wouldn’t let you breathe. Your lips were hot on each other, soft moans and giggles. Swallowed smiles as you drank one another in, bodies like waves crashing against each other.

Hands wandering until he had you where he wanted. Where you wanted. He loved you down so incredibly good. How he was able to tear you apart while still being so sweet, you could barely even fathom. His teeth dug into the flesh of your breasts, fingers hooking around your panties. 

His tongue ravished your figure. There was no part of you left untouched, no part of you that wasn’t completely ablaze with arousal. You would arch your neck back as he lapped away at the sweetness dripping between your legs, your hands combing through his wavy black hair.

His tongue knew where to go, he knew how you liked it, and your fist clenched as he fucked you with his mouth through and through. He always made sure you came first. Always. Every single time.

Whether you had mere minutes or long hours, he loved the way you tasted, making sure you knew that at every chance he got. Sloppy wet kisses traveled up your stomach to your chest, up your neck, hands caressing your ass, scratching your back, holding you close for a moment. 

You were whisked away into heaven, just briefly, as his thick cock would push into you. Your pussy pulling him in, wanting to feel the familiar but oh so incredible stretch that only he gave you. 

Taehyung. You sobbed as he fucked you, allowing him to kiss the glossy tears off of your cheeks as he rolled his hips, angling so perfectly to nudge deep within you. His sinister grin, his giggles, his chaos. You were in the hands of disaster but you never felt more safe. 

Why are you crying dumbass? He would find your state amusing, continuing to fuck you, thrusts long and smooth. Quick, but slow enough for you to savor each second. Your whining lost behind the wet sound of your bodies colliding.

Where are you? Are you watching this right now? You’re not really dead are you?

Stroking your cheek, he leaned down to whisper against your mouth. The words he would keep on saying, echoing back to you. Play along. I won’t hurt you.

What exactly you were playing, you were unsure. 

“Look at me” Your eyes darted up to meet Jin’s deceivingly innocent eyes. “I’m gonna ask you again, did you kill Kim Taehyung?” 

You gulped, sweat collecting onto the cold handcuffs around your wrists. Jin glanced at the mirrored wall, before letting out a heavy sigh. 

“It appears that Kim Taehyung was murdered about two hours before the party. We found your gun near the body.” Jin holds up the custom weapon Yoongi had given that was unmistakably yours. “Where were you at that time?” You felt your eyes getting heavy.

“I was” You lips were chapped, mouth clammy with a bitter taste. You looked him dead in the eye, stomach sickened by the amusement glistening within them as you struggled with your response. You knew he was getting a kick out of it. You wanted to spit on his face. You wanted to slap him, to scream, to flip the table and break out of the windowless room that caged you.

“I was with...y..” Jin smirked, leaning back. You cleared your throat, mind running a mile a minute.

“With who Y/n?”

You glared at him. He was treating this as some sort of role play. You felt queasy at the thought. Someone was dead. Dead. 

“You. I was with you”

F L A S H B A C K--

The morning rays slid through the expansive glass wall of the hotel room, causing Yoongi’s eyes to flinch, squinting as they opened and took in the day that presented itself. He sighed heavily, the weight of the previous night still on his mind. You were still asleep, but he could see through the chaffing beneath your wrists that you were not comfortable. He took the leash and fastened it to the headboard, ensuring you had no escape. 

Grabbing his keys, Yoongi quickly got dressed in a white hoodie and left the room. He needed to find out the truth for himself. He couldn’t afford to have you lying to him already. 

It was so frustrating to him that you couldn’t just be honest with him. He had been immensely open with you even if he was not proud of what he had to share. Why would you hide things? Hadn’t he proven himself to you? Hadn’t he done everything to win your heart?

Yoongi sighed. His anger issues were core to his being. It was part of his true self, but he had spent years trying to become someone you would fall in love with. All he wanted to do was make home in your heart, but no matter how many of your suitors he ended up threatening, beating to a pulp, and forcing them to bail on you, there was nothing in his power that could tear down that goddamn Park Jimin poster on your bedroom wall.

There was nothing he could do to stop you from writing small fantasies in your journal that you kept stashed in your bedside drawer. 

Yoongi would be lying if he said he didn’t come close to killing Jimin multiple times before. But he realized that would not have delivered him a solution. If Jimin died, you would mourn. You would still harbor that love for him and never have an opportunity to see what he really was. It was because of this Yoongi, with Taehyung’s helpful insight, had orchestrated a way to destroy Jimin in your eyes. 

Jimin was then introduced to Yoongi’s two weapons of destruction, Taehyung and cocaine. Yoongi worked hard to build himself up as a successful music producer. He had to be better than Jimin, had to make sure he could offer you everything Jimin could and more. 

To his surprise, you did move on from Jimin, at least the reality of him. But this fantasy of who he used to be remained pinned to your heart. After Jimin quit music, the mention of his name would still cause you to blush and smile. It made Yoongi want to throw up.

You had to see for yourself. Yoongi learned what it was that attracted you to Jimin and embodied just that. You liked that you had to chase him, you liked that he didn’t give a shit about you. You liked that he never noticed you and you had to pine for his attention. You liked that he was dedicated to his music, you liked the lifestyle he was associated with. You liked his lack of emotion and fantasized of him showing his true colors to you and only you, a sensitive, sweet, charming guy. Anger was not a part of this persona at all. 

When he felt like he had driven Jimin crazy enough with the drugs, he decided to plant rumors on stan twitter that Jimin would be signing with his label. Using his personal relationship with the singer, he was able to sign him on. He conveniently then offered you a summer internship, knowing full well you would be coming for one reason alone. Park Jimin.

Yoongi wanted you to fall straight into his arms. He rented out every available apartment for the months you were searching for a place to live, forcing you to reside in his building. He wanted to win you over naturally. He wanted you to work with Jimin, hook up with Jimin, and end up loathing him. Loving Yoongi instead. 

Jimin’s gang activity was getting on Yoongi’s nerves. Taehyung told him Jimin was in Death Valley, that you saw Jimin at Death Valley. When Yoongi heard from you, not Taehyung, that you had been kidnapped, along with Namjoon nonetheless, Yoongi had enough. He was used to giving Taehyung plenty of unsupervised jurisdiction, so Jimin’s accident was not a surprise to him. 

But you sympathized with Jimin, which was not what he wanted. He then decided to take things into his own hands, threatening Seokjin into throwing the fight to leech Jimin of every cent he had. He broke into your apartment, fucking everything up so that you had no choice but to come to him. To need him. 

And when Jin didn’t lose, he had no choice but to reveal to you who he was. Even after all his honestly, all his trust, you still lied to him. 

Yoongi was furious. He arrived at Death Valley, using the front entrance. Pulling a mask over his face, he barged in, surveying the silence as a sign that the bar was empty. Through the kitchen he arrive at the back storage room, accessible only by key, where all of the surveillance had been set up years ago. 

Monitors were spread across the wall, but Yoongi’s eyes narrowed in at one that was coming up with no feed. Your apartment. Someone had fucked with the cameras. Yoongi types away at the main monitor, enlarging your apartment footage and reeling back to find the moment the device was destroyed.

He sees Taehyung, whispering something to you. Next thing he knows the stream is blank. He grits his teeth, as all the pieces fall into place. He was a fool. How could he have been so blind? Taehyung must be in love with you. He must have, after watching you for so many years. Yoongi scowled at the thought of the ways Taehyung may have seen you, naked, vulnerable, ways that only he should. 

He had trusted Taehyung. Taehyung had only ever shown interest in money and Yoongi thought that was enough. Taehyung must have fucked you over and over again once the cameras were dead. What a whore. It made sense then that he had cut the line through his branding on you. He was the only one who could have. He had access to you and he was psychotic! He must have forced you to lie. You wouldn’t ever hide anything from Yoongi, no, Yoongi was the man of your dreams. You felt grateful that you had him, didn’t you?

He tilted his head, cracking his knuckles before he punched the glass screen, causing the feed to go haywire and sparks to erupt. Kim Taehyung. You are dead to me.

Yoongi growled lowly before picking up his phone. “It’s me. I need to see you. Now” 

-

Hobi kept his hand on the small of your back as he led you down to the hotel bar. The two of you nodded politely at the staff members who were busily preparing for the big event. The bar was empty aside for a few guests enjoying their brunch-time mimosas.

Hobi couldn’t really revel in the fact that the two of you were getting drinks together, almost like a date. His mind was too caught up in the initial shock he felt when he saw you tied up in his boss’ bedroom. He felt upset, but moreso he felt violated. He wondered if you were getting taken advantage of. Did he promise you a promotion? Was he manipulating you?

Punishing someone like that, Hobi was never one to kink shame, but it seemed a bit much. The name burned into your skin did nothing to ease his concern. Someone who was possessive, violent, impulsive. It reminded him of...

Hobi didn’t know. He didn’t know who gave him orders. He really didn’t care once the cash rolled in, but it began hitting too close to home. He wasn’t thrilled about hurting Namjoon, but two duffel bags of cash were enough for him to momentarily set aside his morals. 

“What should I get?” You surveyed the small menu of cocktails. “What’s gonna fuck me up the fastest?”

Hobi snorted, “Tequila” He twirled your hair as your gaze remained glued to the menu. The thought of you being in danger upset him greatly “Y/n...when did Yoongi brand you?" You called the bartender ordering a line of shots to which the they glanced at the clock before giving you a weird look.

“The night of the rematch” You told him, reacting before you realized what you had said. Your lip tucked between your teeth as you tried to conjure an excuse. A row of shot glasses was placed in front of you. You took one, gulping it down before letting out a heavy sigh. The bitterness burned down your throat. You basked as the liquid hit your mind, easing you slightly.

“Yoongi was at the fight?” Hobi recalled the wild night that the three of you had been at Death Valley. It was the first time he ever saw the man giving him orders. The man was tall, broad, had dark hair and wore dark clothes, face covered in a mask. Could it have been...Yoongi?

“Y/n!” The two of you turned to see Jungkook approaching the bar. He had changed his hair, the blue swapped for a short black cut, and you couldn’t help but double take at his new eyebrow piercing. 

You downed another shot, glancing at Hobi who had raised his eyebrows seeing the drug dealer. Jungkook gave you a light hug, waving timidly to Hobi. You smirked, another shot down the hatch. “Easyyyy Y/n” He placed a hand on your back as he slid into the seat next to you.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Hobi sneered. Jungkook rolled his eyes, used to the condescending treatment of gang members. "Didn’t you get stabbed or something?”

“I did!” Jungkook grinned, “In fact, that’s exactly why I’m here. I think I figured out who Mr. Bossman is, and I wanna fucking kill him”

Hobi rolled his eyes, “Oh really”

“Kim Seok-motherfucking-Jin baby. He stabbed me. He’s the one who showed up and threatened me to move out of Y/n’s apartment, so he’s probably also the one who called for the kidnapping. And he might have called for Jimin’s accident. It makes so much fucking sense”

Jin did what? There was not enough alcohol in your veins to act like you didn’t fully understand what he had just said. Jin had Jungkook move out? It wasn’t impossible. And that’s what scared you. You blinked at Jungkook incredulously, “But he’s literally a police officer”

Jungkook’s grin widened, “Exactly! It’s fucking brilliant. He’s a cop, he fights for the other side. He wins no matter what and can never get caught. No one would ever suspect him. Winning despite being threatened? Who threatened him huh? It’s a fucking ploy. You’re not dead and neither is he I bet. Kingpin. Boom”

You felt sick, knowing that Yoongi was not the only person you needed to be worried about. It was almost funny how blatantly misinformed Jungkook was. “Wow you guys are idiots.” You muttered under your breath, taking another shot before coughing roughly. Should I tell them? Why did Jin lie? Is this even the truth? Jin always tried to pin things on Jungkook, but you defended him. Hearing his words now made your head spin. He’s lying. Jungkook is lying. You wanted to scream, frustration flooding through your veins as you clenched your fists.

“I’m gonna tell Jimin and Taehyung what I know. They will give me so much money dude.” Jungkook chuckled, “And then they’d kill him, oh God finally”

Hobi pursed his lips, mouth feeling dry as he reflected on Jin’s eerie words before he shot him in the leg. He didn’t know where Jin was anymore, handing him off to be taken somewhere. It didn’t make sense. His orders were to seize Jin if Jin won the fight. Why place an order like that all? Why do any of this?

“Y/n, come with me.” Jungkook tugged at the sleeve of the oversized Nirvana shirt you had thrown on after your shower session with Hobi. You giggled, the thought of Taehyung coming into your slowed thoughts like a hurricane, tearing up any understanding you thought you had of the situation. There was only one thing you believed. Only one thing you knew with full certainty and it was all you could hold onto.

“Oh my goodness it’s Yoongi. It’s Yoongi. It’s always been Yoongi” The words spilled from your lips like the tequila that dripped down the side of your lips as you took yet another shot, giggling like a ditz. Jungkook and Hobi exchanged confused looks with each other, only making you laugh more. “I would fucking know okay!” Your laughs grew loud, “I was locked up in his fucking apartment and where the hell were all of you huh? Dumb fucking idiots!” You buckled over, laughing into Jungkook’s chest.

“Jungkook” Hobi sighed, “I gotta get back to work. Can you get her sober please?” Jungkook nodded. He held your waist tightly helping you stand, walking with you carefully to the hotel elevator.

The laughter wouldn’t stop. Passerbys shot the two of you dirty looks as Jungkook pulled you into the elevator easily. Through it’s glass walls you could see the midday skyline, where outside people hustled through life as if everything were normal. Must be fucking nice. “Y/n” Your laughs began to choke in your throat, turning instead to the sobs you tried to suppress with whatever will you had left. 

Jungkook placed his soft lips on your shoulder. Hands sliding onto your waist as he peered at you curiously, “Y/n, is everything okay?”

You shook your head, the elevator door closed as tears began forming in your eyes. Your voice croaked, “I’m dead. He’s gonna kill me. T..taehyung is gonna kill me. I...I know he will. He’s everywhere. Everywhere.” You looked around frantically, suddenly feeling hyperaware of the security cameras littered throughout the public space. “I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone...I” You hiccuped. Jungkook pulled you into a tight hug.

“It’s okay ssh” He stroked his thumbs them across your cheeks, cupping your face affectionately. “I’m here aren’t I?” You sniffled, nodding lightly. “I got you okay. No one is gonna hurt you”

You stared into his kind brown eyes. You did not trust him, your entire body was screaming at you not to trust him. His fingers danced down your figure, freely gliding over your heaving chest, desperately trying to breathe with the fear that choked you from within.

You blinked at him, eyes glancing down at his pouty lips before finding his eyes again. “Y/n” Jungkook whispered, barely inches from your lips. “I won’t let anyone hurt you okay. I promise”

Fat tears rolled down your face at his words. Jungkook clicked his tongue, cooing at you as he continued to wipe away your hears. “Oh you poor thing” He held you to his chest, kissing the top of your head, before tilting your face up to his. 

He leaned in, eyes fluttering shut as his lips landed on yours, swallowing you into him. The taste of tequila was evident on your lips as he kissed you softly, and you allowed yourself to surrender to his warm touch.

You felt heat pooling in your chest as his fingers trailed up your legs. He traced circles into the inside of your thighs, letting his fingers tease the edge of your shorts. 

“Jungkook” You inhaled sharply, his hot breath tickling your neck as you tilted your head back. He licked his lips before sloppily latching onto your collarbone, sucking down to litter your skin with wet kisses as his fingers slid down your shorts, just barely so that he could roll his hips into you.

He pushed you back against the glass, fingers trailing across your bare thighs before sliding beneath your panties. Jungkook ran a finger over your clothed folds, making you clench down. 

“Y/n” His voice sounded equally as desperate as yours, barely audible over the sound of his heavy breathing. “Fuck I missed you” You gasped as his fingers slid under the fabric. He pushed a finger in, allowing your tight cunt to accustom to it before adding another finger not long after. 

His other hand slid beneath your shirt, pushing your bra up so he could run his thumb over your nipples, his touch featherlight, leaving you breathless. You rolled your eyes back in pleasure, bucking your hips up as he slowly pumped you with his fingers.

“That’s it baby, just like that” He whispered, lips pressing into your neck. You let out a shaky moan as his fingers quickened, pumping in and out of you as you latched onto his shoulders. “Look at me. Look right at me baby”

He brought his lips over yours, just brushing them across your skin so he could gaze deep into your eyes as you fucked yourself onto his fingers. You cried out his name as the friction began to overwhelm you. His fingers easing you right where you needed them, pleasure searing through you as he watched your every move.

"So good for me” He pulled his fingers out, doused in your sticky arousal before he placed them into his own mouth. Your eyes widen as he licked of every last bit of you and smiles. “You taste so fucking good baby”

He kisses you again, harsher this time as his hips roll against you. Your fingers grip his hair as he pulls down his sweats, allowing his cock to spring out. 

“You want my cock?” He ran his tongue over your lips, tugging at them slightly as he stroked his cock. You could feel his hand moving between your legs. “You want my big cock in your little pussy?”

You gulped, nodding as Jungkook looked down, lining his tip against your folds, pushing in only slightly before meeting your eyes again. “So warm and wet for me, fuck” He pushed in further, groaning as you spread your thighs wider, allowing him to thrust as deep as he could. He stilled briefly, kissing you again “You take me so well baby fuck. So fucking tight for me. My pretty baby” He stroked your face, thumb pushing into your mouth slightly.

“Does it feel good?” He mumbled, pulling out just slightly before rolling his hips back into you. He picked up a rhythm, fucking you deep and slow, hands clawing at your breasts.

“Yeah...feels really good” Your eyes fell shut, enjoying the fulfilling pleasure of his movements. He pulled your shirt up, burying his face between your breasts as he continued to fuck up into you. 

“Mmm yeah I bet” He pushed your bra up, allowing his fingers to pinch you nipples. He took one into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around the small bud as he began to suckle you, looking up to your face and enjoying your reactions. “You’re so fucking pretty you know that right?” He sucked on your breast harshly before leaving it with a soft kiss and moving onto the other. “So perfect for me”

His thrusts quickened, driving you up the wall as his hands fell to your hips. You burying your face in the crook of his neck as you felt your high approaching. “Jungkook...I’m...”

“Yeah?” Jungkook’s voice was raspy with lust, “You wanna cum baby? Cum for me baby, cum all over my cock, wanna hear you make those pretty little moans when you cum”

You cried out with every thrust as he pushed you over the edge, and you felt your pussy burst with pleasure as you came, the sloppy sounds of your arousal echoing through the small space. Jungkook groaned as the hot liquid covered his cock, allowing him to slide in and out of you with ease. 

“There you go. Good girl. Good fucking girl, just like that” He gasped, feeling his cock twitch slightly, buried deep in your cunt, “Want me to cum inside you baby?” You nodded, whining slightly, “Yeah? You want it baby? Huh?” Jungkook’s hips thrust furiously at you, and he cupped your face, bringing his forehead against yours so he could look into your eyes as he came. “Want my cum? Want me to fill you up baby?”

“Yeah. I want it. Jungkook please,” Your whiny voice was enough to have him spurting through you.

“Holy fuck” Jungkook buckled over, holding you tight as cum shot out of him, filling you up and leaking out onto the floor.

He pulled out of you quickly, pulling up his sweats while you fixed your own clothes. Sweat painted his forehead as he looked at you, panting with a big smile on his cute face.

“I missed that” He confessed, pulling you back into him by the waist. He knelt down and pressed his lips on yours, letting his hands slide to your ass and squeeze them softly. 

You heard a familiar ring as the elevator door reached it’s destination. You jumped away from Jungkook, unable to get far as the strong boy’s hold on you remained steady. 

"I see stabbing you once didn’t really drive home the message huh Mr. Jeon Jungkook” 

You felt goosebumps spread as you heard the sinister tone of Jin’s voice. He stood leaning against the elevator as if he had been waiting for you, twirling his knife around aimlessly between his fingers. “Too bad, I unfortunately can’t kill you yet” He turned to you and winked, “Both of you come with me”

-

Sweat trickled down from Namjoon’s neck, his eyes glued to the tattered punching bag in front of him. His muscles were still sore, bruises still spattered across his bare chest. He didn’t care. He was sick of feeling helpless. Under the dim lights of the boxing gym, he pushed himself, another hit, more force, ignoring the pain shooting through his limbs with every strike.

“Don’t overdo it” Namjoon rolled his eyes at the sound of the familiar voice. “Last thing you want is to get injured again” He turned to the sound of loafers echoing across the concrete floor.

“What do you want Yoongi?” Namjoon sneered. The producer smirked slightly, patting the punching bag playfully before pacing around Namjoon.

“I’m gonna kill Taehyung, and I know Jimin is gonna break hell. I need you to protect Y/n for me. Can I trust you, Namjoon?” His voice was stern.

“Man, fuck you Yoongi” Namjoon groaned, “I put my life on the line for you constantly and you still have to fucking ask? Promise me. I want out after this. Promise me a record deal”

Yoongi shrugged, “Okay fine. I’ll sign you. Don’t let her out of your sight.” Yoongi inhaled sharply, “And I swear to God Namjoon if you even think about touching her, you’re dead to me. And I will know if you do.”

Namjoon rolled his eyes, lips parted, desperately trying to catch his breath. “Yeah okay. Just get me my fucking record deal”

Yoongi pursed his lips, pulling out his phone and handing it to Namjoon. “Paperwork is ready. You have one job. Don’t fuck up again” Namjoon clenched his fist as Yoongi chuckled in amusement. “I have some business I need to deal with personally. Keep her safe Namjoon, please”

-

You gagged, a puke-ish feeling clogging your throat as you coughed out. Your head was throbbing with pain as you squinted against the gleaming lights from the chandelier above your head. Glancing around, you realized you were back at Jungkook’s place, large dark wooden floors adding to the ambiance that just screamed rich in your face. The plushness of his large bed evident beneath you. 

You get up slightly, peering across the room where you see Jin handing a large duffel bag to Jungkook, whispering something into his ear. Jungkook nods eagerly, shaking Jin’s hand before exiting. He turns back to you, smiling as he realizes you are awake.

“Hey party girl. Recovered from our little day drinking session have we?” Jin chuckled. You scowl, searching around you as your throat desperately demanded water. Jin handed you a glass. “I just got Jungkook caught up, but you and I need to have a little talk” 

You exhaled before emptying the entire glass down your throat. “I know everything” You scoffed in spite, “I know everything you did, you fucking maniac”

Jin smiled wide at the term, “I know. Jungkook told me you think I was behind all of the stuff that’s been going on, stabbing him and kidnapping you. I mean,” Jin laughed, a tinge of condescendence in his voice, “You don’t actually believe that do you? Like, seriously how dumb are these guys. At least you’re smart”

You frowned at his tone, unsure of how to respond. Jin raised his eyebrows at your silence before continuing, “Oh come on Y/n. Use that little brain of yours hm? What the hell would I be gaining from all this? It was Taehyung.”

He extended you a hand, helping you out of the bed and pulling you up to stand before him, “What did he tell you huh? That he’s Yoongi’s friend or some shit? Taehyung doesn’t give a fuck about Yoongi. And I know you know about him screwing over Jimin. He’s trying to take over both gangs, not just Jimin’s, and he’s been lying to you this whole time.”

The bargaining chip. “What do you mean?” You followed the flat echoes of his footsteps down the hallway into the same office that you had Jimin tied up only a few days ago. You suppressed a smile as you noticed the curtains were still torn.

“He’s distracting Jimin and Yoongi with you. He wants them to get up against each other so that he can sway the gang loyalties towards him by showing that their leaders priorities are off. Look here” Jin motioned towards a laptop on the large desk, playing security footage of what appeared to be Death Valley’s parking lot, where people were loading bags of cash into what could have been Taehyung’s car. “He’s robbing them. And you know what else Y/n? When he’s done with all of this, he’s gonna kill them both.” 

No. No way. Betrayal stung you as you process Jin’s words, “You’re just a pawn in his game. You were bait. He just needed to you get Jimin and Yoongi to fight amongst each other. And you let him, didn’t you?” Jin chuckled, patting your cheek. “I know he kept telling you that you could trust him. That he wouldn’t hurt you. It was bullshit Y/n. This man only cares about one thing. Himself”

You thought back to the first night you laid your eyes on him, back when his hair was a faded green, his sweaty tan skin contrasting his dark leather jacket. The look of familiarity in his eyes and the gleam from his diamond studded watch. You were a fool. He strung you along.

“Where is he?” You growled, “I wanna hear it from him. I wanna ask him myself”

“Absolutely. In fact, if you’re up for it, I was wondering if you would be down to do another little mission for me” Jin winked at you. You scowled, folding your arms over your chest, “If we don’t kill him first, he’s planning on killing Yoongi tonight before the party. I know because I got him to let me in on his little coup” Your heart dropped, “You don’t want that do you?”

"No” You blurted. 

“So let’s kill him first. Come on, let’s go get you dolled up for this party”

As you left the office, you couldn’t help but notice a familiar figure standing at the other end of the hallway.

Namjoon? Your eyes locked with his. He pressed a finger to his lips before pointing at Jin and shaking his head. What is he trying to say. Namjoon seemed to have a warning look in his eyes. You simply shrugged at him, before running down the hall to catch up with Jin.

Namjoon exhaled, watching from a window as Jin and you drove off, likely heading to the hotel. Looking at his palm he saw the way his nails left imprints in his skin from how hard he was clenching his fists. Namjoon wasn’t necessarily a fan of Taehyung, but he knew a thing or two about him from Yoongi. Taehyung would never kill people. He was averse to it for some reason, Namjoon always thought it was ironic for him to be a gangster given that quality. Taehyung could torture anyone, threaten anyone, but he didn’t have it in him to take a life. 

Which meant that Jin was lying to you. Namjoon never liked Jin. Even aside from all the hits he had taken from the strong man, he always felt something was off about the guy. He feels uneasy about what he had just seen transpire, and decided to go find Yoongi. 

-

“Do you want some coke?” You were in the middle of washing your face when Jin walked in with a bag of powder. “I could use a hit, I don’t know about you”

“Oh hell yes. Thank you” He poured out a line on the bathroom counter using a quarter, watching with a small chuckle as you inhaled the drug, nose pressed against the cool marble. You sighed, wiping your nose and flashing a big grin in the mirror “Damn. I needed that. I didn’t know that you use”

Jin bit back a smirk, “I do.” He poured another line on the same place, this time taking a hit himself. “A lot”

“Oh. Officer Jin is a druggie like the rest of us huh” You teased. Jin poured himself a gin martini, taking a sip, eyes alight with amusement. “Does that turn you on ever? Do you ever have a hottie cuffed up and they’re like please Officer does that..you know..turn you on?”

Jin’s eyes widened at you “Not any hottie, no. Now if I had you cuffed up saying that” He chuckled, pulling you to him by the waist “That’s a whole other story” You pushed him away playfully.

“What?” Jin said mockingly, “Don’t remember that night where I gave you the best orgasm of your life?” His traced his lips up your jaw, and you could feel his smile against you.

“Wow. Cocky are we?” You raised your eyebrows. “I’ve had some pretty good sex in my life. Hard to say if that was the best”

Suddenly, Jin pulled his knife from his back pocket, glancing in the mirror as he traced the blade across your neck just enough for you to feel the sharp cold metal glide on your skin, pinching without actually making you bleed. “Don’t even lie. You loved fucking me. Don’t you remember? How fucking wet you were?” His breath was hot against your lips, but it was the look in his eyes that had you weak in the knees. 

Taking his knife, he slit clean down your shirt, tearing it off of you to reveal your bare chest. “On the floor slut” His whispered, flirty demeanor now shifted into something dark. Something feral.

You gulped, taking care to slide your bottoms off, not wanting him to slice them up before lowering yourself down onto the tiled bathroom floor. 

Jin set the knife aside, pulling out his lighter and setting in on the counter before shedding his own clothes, even he kicking off his shoes. He lifted his foot, and you watched with a curious gaze as he placed his foot on your chest. He kept the weight off of you, much to your relief, and you couldn’t help but feel absolutely filthy as he rolled your breasts under the sole of his foot. You had never done anything like this. It seemed so dirty, but felt so good. 

“Oh my god Jin” You gasped as he switched onto his other leg, taking his foot and shoving it into your mouth, watching in amusement as you gagged over his toes.

“Look at you. On the fucking floor. Naked little whore. Letting me do whatever I fucking want.” He removed his foot from your mouth, letting you catch your breath before you looked up at him with quivering eyes.

He felt blood rush to his cock at your expression. Licking his lips, knelt down, climbing over you to gently trail his fingers where his foot had been moments ago.

“And you love it” He sneered, letting his nails dig into your breast, “You love the pain don’t you you fucking slut?” When you didn’t answer he grabbed your jaw, pushing his fingers into the edge of your mouth. “I asked you a fucking question”

“Y...yes” You exhaled. You felt his fingers tease your clit, teeth tugging on your lobe as he laughed darkly.

Jin reached for the martini glass “Turn over” He growled. You found yourself with your breasts pressed flat against the floor, Jin’s cock pressing into your ass. You gasped as he poured the drink onto your back. “This is gonna burn. And you’re gonna take it like a good girl. I know you are, you let Yoongi do it so I can too”

“Wait what” Jin pressed your face down with one hand while the other grabbed his lighter, “Jin. Hold on.” Your voice rose in fear, which only turned Jin on more. He watched as you writhed under him, trying desperately to get away. “Jin seriously. That’s not funny”

“Shhh. You can take it” He cooed, flicking the flame on he slowly lowered it to your skin, bringing it nearer and nearer to the doused skin. You yelped as you began to feel the concentrated heat. Your entire body was petrified. “Enjoy it baby. You like it. You love it. You let Yoongi do it so why can’t I?”

“Jin. It’s not you, I'm just not ready for something like this please” Jin cocked his head aside in irritation, stopping the lighter before it actually touched you and tossing it aside. “I didn’t let Yoongi brand me he just did.”

Jin stilled momentarily. “And you still love him? Even though he did that?”

You didn’t answer. That alone was enough for Jin to rage. He slammed your face back down, the blow giving you a dizzying sensation that hat you getting wetter by the second. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He growled, “How can you love someone like that?” He pulled your face up, bending you back until you were flush against his chest. “I don’t want any of them touching you again. You understand me?” He let go, giving you whiplash as you fell back to the floor. “Ass up. Now” He spanked your ass hard, causing you to yelp. The stinging pain vibrated to your core. You couldn’t help but love every second of it. 

Jin knew that you were scared of him, he could feel it. He could also see the way your thighs would clench whenever he did anything to you. You were his favorite drug. He was going to ruin you.

He grabbed his belt from the pile of clothes on the side, “Hands under” He demanded, rolling his lip through his teeth as you obeyed him right away. He took the belt tying your wrists to your knees under you.

He took a moment to admire his work, your shivering body all his for the taking. You had no where to run. He had you now. “Who gives it to you the best him?” Pulling you towards him by your thighs, he didn’t care that your knees would burn against the smooth tile as he lined his cock up with your folds. He spat down, a glob of saliva landing on your ass before he used his cock head to rub it all over you. He could hear your shaky breath, your whiny moans that made him want to fuck you even more. 

He slapped his palm  onto the curve of your ass, bending over your to growl into your ear “Filthy whore. You disgust me. You let them all just do whatever they want to you, don’t you have any fucking self respect?” He could see his words were hitting close to home. You pursed your trembling lips as Jin smacked you again in the same place. 

“When will you fucking learn huh? This pussy” He reached his hand to harshly cup your cunt, shoving two fingers inside you without warning. “This pussy belongs to me. You’re mine. My cockslut whore” Taking his fingers out, he shoved them into your mouth “You taste that? That how desperate your needy little cunt is for me”

Your legs were strung together, making it all the more painful when he finally began to push his cock inside you, using his fingers to scissor you open so that he could get deep inside you. His length pushed against your tight walls, your cries and curses only motivating Jin to push further. 

“Who owns this cunt huh?” Jin pulled your hips back, burning your knees each time as he pulled you on and off his cock. Your ass slammed into him with each blow. 

“You do. Holy fuck, you do” You gasped, practically screaming as your whole body ached with pain and pleasure. 

“That’s right baby” He pinched your clit, making you yelp as he flicked at it, pounding into your relentlessly. 

“J..Jin” You mumbled, lips still half pressed on the floor, “Jin please. Feels good” Jin scoffed, “Gonna cum...gonna cum” You inhaled loudly as you felt your high approaching. Your eyes clenched shut as he edged you closer and closer, fingers furiously attacking your clit until he stopped.

You let out a loud sob as Jin yanked you up by your neck “You really thought I would let you cum whore?” His grip tightened, cock twitching at the way your voice sounded choking, the water streaming from your eyes and the drool at the edge of your lips. He kissed you, licking it all up in the process.  

“Look in the mirror. Look at how pathetic you are. I want you to remember the only person who’s ever gonna let you feel this good” You looked at your reflection, seeing only your faces and the way Jin’s nails dug into your neck. He pushed you forward so that your chin was on the countertop. You coughed out, watching as he resumed his thrusts, punishing your clit with the jarring movements of his fingers. 

You screamed, pleasure crashing over you in a wave of tantalizing heat. You gushed onto his cock, tears falling from your eyes due to how overwhelming the sensation was. Jin continued to whisper filth right into your ears but you could no longer hear anything. Your vision became hazy, not minding the blow when Jin shoved you back onto the floor and pounded you to his own release.

On the other side of the wall, Namjoon leaned his head back and sighed, glancing down to see his cock in his hands, now completely covered in cum.

-

Taehyung chewed on his gum nonchalantly as he paced around the luxurious hotel, checking out all the fun features. The pool deck was nice, the lobby exquisite, and his favorite part, the cafe, smelt delicious. 

Yoongi had asked to meet him in his suite. On his way there he ran into you, and you knocked his breath away. He always thought you were beautiful, but tonight you looked elegant. It was such a surprising contrast to your usual getup, but you looked amazing. He was about to tell you just that when he finally registered the hurt look in your eyes.

“You liar” You slapped him with everything you had. Taehyung backed away in surprise. “How could you use me like that? Over and over again. I trusted you. You were really the only one I thought had my back. Without a fucking doubt” You lunged towards him for another hit but Taehyung held your wrist firmly.

“What are you talking about? When did I use you?” Taehyung looked around frantically, “Calm down okay, let’s go somewhere and talk this through.” Your eyes flared in anger. 

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down! You’re gonna kill them!” You screamed. Taehyung squinted, noticing the slight redness in your eyes. He sighed in understanding, pulling you by the wrist into a corridor. 

“Y/n. Breathe. Tell me what’s going on” Taehyung attempted to calm you down but you were enraged. “And what the fuck are you on?”

Admittedly, you and Jin had ended up doing many more lines of coke, perhaps even molly, you were no longer sure, but you washed it down with the bottle of gin, finding it unprecedentedly hilarious that Jin liked to drink gin martinis. 

“You used me! To fuck with Jimin! And Yoongi! You lied to me! Everything you said was a fucking lie, everything you did, every stupid word that came out of your stupid mouth was a lie! You just want power. You’re selfish, and...and...you’re gonna KILL them” A dramatic gasp left your lips, Taehyung almost laughed, “You’re gonna kill Yoongi. I...I can’t let you do that”

You pulled out your gun, cocking it and pressing it against Taehyung’s chest. He instantly put his hands up. “Y/n. Y/n stop. That’s not true okay you’re not thinking straight. Don’t do something you’ll regret”

Your hands trembled around the gun “You’ll kill them. You’ll kill them both...I can’t let you do that”

“Hold on!”

Too late. You pulled the trigger.

-

Hobi wandered through the parking lot looking for his car. His eyes narrowed on a familiar vehicle, thinking back to when he had loaded the drug money from the last fight. 

So. Is that guy Yoongi then? The one I kept seeing? Hobi wandered over to the car. Peering inside the passenger window, his eyes locked on a small item on the floor of the car. He squinted to read it, it appeared to be some sort of credit card.

He stepped back, realizing what the name on the card was. He glanced around before taking the end of his gun and ramming it into the door handle. The door creaked open, allowing Hobi to swipe the card up. He slid it into his pocket, before hurriedly returning to the hotel. 

-

Namjoon’s eyes widened as he watched you pull a gun out on Taehyung. He had been thoroughly entertained as you yelled and slapped him, knowing full well that you were high out of your mind. 

Namjoon couldn’t understand Jin’s plan at all. He had eavesdropped on everything so far, as per Yoongi’s orders. Why would Jin ask you to kill Taehyung, why wouldn’t he just do it himself? He knew you would hate yourself if you actually killed him. 

He had also been thoroughly disappointed at how easily Jungkook had bought into Jin’s agenda as well. The things people do for money. Namjoon sighed, realizing that he was pretty much acting on similar motivations. 

You were ready to pull the trigger, and Namjoon was almost certain you wouldn’t do it, until he saw your finger begin to curl. He ran towards the corridor as fast as he could.

“Hold on!” He yelled, but it was too late. Taehyung’s eyes flew shut.

Namjoon blinked, not hearing the familiar gunshot sound. You looked equally confused, glancing down the barrel of your gun. Taehyung let out a shaky sigh of relief, sliding down the wall.

“It...was a blank” You mumbled. Namjoon rushed to your side, pulling you away from Taehyung. “What the...what was I just about to do?” His heart clenched as your lips parted in shock.

“Taehyung are you okay?” Namjoon asked. Taehyung nodded, clearly shaken up but managing to get a hold of himself. 

“What the fuck is going on?” He growled, “Who gave her a gun? And who gave her drugs while she had a gun? Fucking hell”

Namjoon stroked your back as you let the gun drop to the floor, the weight of your actions finally hitting you. 

“I’m so sorry. Taehyung I...” You looked into his eyes. Those eyes that always left you questioning what was really going on in that pretty head of his. 

“Yeah. Jin fucking fed her some interesting stories about how you’re using her. At least I hope they’re just stories” Namjoon peered at him. “I’m Namjoon by the way, we haven’t officially met”

Taehyung shook his hand “Hi Namjoon. I heard you make pretty decent music” He chuckled ironically, “Y/n, I need you to tell me everything Jin said. There’s been some sort of misunderstanding, I promise you I wasn’t taking advantage of you.”

Namjoon made a face, exchanging a glance with you as you nodded slowly. Namjoon was not entirely sure he should believe Taehyung. He supposed it wouldn’t matter, when he knew that Yoongi was planning to kill Taehyung anyways. The more information he had, the better he could at least keep you out of trouble. 

P R E S E N T  D A Y--

Security escorted you and Jimin out immediately as the media broke into a frenzy trying to figure out what had happened. You had hoped your acting skills had convinced him. 

After Taehyung sobered you up slightly, the three of you had sat and schemed. Using everything the three of you knew, you were able to figure out that it really was Jin behind Jimin’s accident, your and Namjoon’s kidnapping, as well as Jungkook’s attempted murder. He was able to do all of this using Hobi’s help, but Hobi seemed not to know that he was receiving orders from Jin.

The question remained how and why. 

“I know you’re not going to believe me. So I have proof” Taehyung pulled his phone out, pulling up a recording of Jin tied up somewhere.

All I ask, is that when the dust settles, Y/n is mine. And I get to kill them. My way

You felt queasy seeing his earnest expression through the film. Namjoon’s jaw clenched, recognizing crazy when he saw it, wishing he could have knocked the guy’s brains out beforehand.

“Listen to me. This guy is dangerous. I don’t really understand why he’s doing all of this. He said he wanted to help me, but clearly there’s some other motive here. Otherwise he wouldn’t go behind my back.” Taehyung muttered.

“The only way to know what he wants is to see what he does next” Namjoon pitched in. 

You glanced between the two men, feeling weirdly relieved that you finally had some solid answers. Having Namjoon by your side after so long was the best thing you could ask for at the moment, and you clung to him, hands wrapped around his arm tightly. He thought it was cute.

“Let me fake my death. Let’s see what he does.”

The drivers took you and Jimin to the precinct. You looked around for Namjoon but he was nowhere to be seen. Your eyes met Jin’s briefly as he signed some paperwork. He winked at you.

“Can I have the body taken to get an autopsy report please?” You weren’t phased by this. Taehyung had said he had enough contacts to make it truly believable that he had died. Jimin’s face was void of emotion as he watched the stretcher go past with the body on it.

You left the hold on his hand, your blood running cold as the body nears you. It was loosely covered with a white sheet, but the arm hung out limply from the sight.

That watch. That’s his watch.

Jimin pressed his lips to the top of your head, sliding his arm around your shoulders to pull you closer to him “You okay babe?” 

“I...no yeah, I’m just shocked” You stammered. You looked up at him, allowing him to place a loving kiss on your lips.

Jimin felt for you, he really did. He himself was generally an emotional person, it was not something he ever tried to hide. But he always felt like his emotional energy was valuable. He didn’t feel the need to cry. Not for Taehyung.

Jimin stroked your back softly, “It’s scary, I know. I know baby, but don’t worry” He licked his lips, eyes briefly meeting Hobi’s from across the room. Hobi gave him a knowing look.

“Don’t worry. It’ll all be over soon”

ᐊ——[ previous ] series navi | masterlist | [ next ]——ᐅ

a/n: WOOHOOO. the fun is really gonna start now. did you miss yoongi? don’t worry, he’ll be back. drop your theories in my asks! who killed taehyung? what’s jin’s deal? 

smut pairs are up for next week! poor oc, she really needs to eat some food. yikes.

see you then & thanks for reading <3 happy juneteenth! 

taglist: @imluckybitches @gee-nee @missseoulite @hcneybees @kooookie​ @queenmasterxx @crustycaitlin @virgo-and-libra @un2-verse @winter-melontea @equivocacies​ @infernal-alpaca @shrimpmsg @meowmeowyoongles @rjsmochii @liltangerined @littlrmills14-blog @issysor @arandomblackgirl @adoringinsanity @giadalin @jeontier @kaithezaftig @jinssexytoe @nonnis97@minyoongiboongi @happygirl62304 @just-me-and-myselfs @purplepebbles @channiespup @lilacdreams-00 @kianam @thmrdrs @kpoppin-mel @namjooningelsewhere @lolzerss @planetsope @ohmykim @xyahrinx @bangtan-army @you-are-my-wind

[1-imaginary-girl]

A Mischievous Love Story - Part 3

Loki x Reader, Thor x Reader (platonic)

Summary: The reader and Loki were madly in love until you found out that he died. Deciding to follow Thor on his adventures, you soon find out the truth about what happened to your boyfriend. This series is a re-telling of Thor: Ragnarök with the reader inserted into the story. Reader uses she/her pronouns.

Warnings: Mental distress.

Word Count: 2219

Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

“Alright I yield!” Your heart picks up speed and you lose control over your breathing as the illusion before you drops and reveals the man you had thought to be dead for the past five years.

Loki scurries away from Thor’s grasp just in time for Mjolnir to return to its master’s hand. You feel like you’re in a dream as you struggle to comprehend what’s happening. The scene around you dissipates as all you can focus on is Loki. The Loki that crashed into your life and made you feel things you never thought you could. The Loki that filled your days with love and joy. The same Loki who is supposed to be dead.

You had thought of a million different scenarios where he could have lived and returned to you, but you had always dismissed those thoughts as impossible as time went by because you thought that he would never do that to you. Not your Loki. He would’ve returned to you because it’s you and it’s him. You can’t believe how wrong you had been.

You feel in conflict with yourself as your first instinct is to run up to him, leap into his arms, and never let him go again. But the situation you find yourself in causes your feet to root to the ground. This isn’t a happy occasion and you’re not sure how to feel about it.

Time resumes and you recognize the cries of shock and surprise echo across the floor. Loki seems to have frozen and looks out at the horizon, avoiding the gazes of disbelief directed at him. And he especially doesn’t meet your struck expression as your chest rises and falls at a rapid pace. You’re acutely aware of Thor’s gaze as he watches you with sympathy.

He knew, you realize. He knew it was Loki, he figured it out sometime before their conversation took place. Before telling you about his suspicions, Thor had wanted to confirm them. You know he would not have wanted to put you through this unless it was without a doubt true. 

But of course he knew. This was Loki, his brother who had lied and tricked him throughout their entire lives. Maybe you would have realized it sooner too, except Loki had never tricked you. Not once. It was a promise he made when he had first told you about his fake death falling from that fated bridge.

“Would you ever trick me like that?” you had asked him. “If it got in the way of your plan, I mean. Would you?” It was an insecurity of yours that Loki would choose his selfish ways over you as he had done to everyone else in his life, even to his own mother.

But he had taken your face into his hands so that you looked into his loving eyes. “My love, I would never do that to you. You mean too much to me,” he had said. “If anything like that ever happens again, I would tell you.”

A small smile began to form on your face. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Those words ring through your head as you stare at the same man who had just broken that promise. You guess you had cause to worry after all.

Finally, his gorgeous blue eyes cautiously lift to meet yours, a moment you’re sure he has dreaded. If I still meant as much to him as he had claimed, you think to yourself. The moment your eyes meet, your heart crumbles into a million pieces as the reality of the situation takes hold. He’s really alive. After all this time. And he left you.

His face is covered with guilt, shame, and pain as he watches you figure everything out. Apparently, it becomes too much for him as he looks down and takes a breath before facing Thor.

And just like that your moment is over and he continues the scene in which you don’t exist in. Because your presence was unplanned for, inconvenient, as it has always been. As you struggle to swallow back the pain that seems to erupt from your chest, you watch as Loki dresses in a smile and stretches out his arms in a comedic it’s me!

“Behold!” yells a voice, startling you from the emotional hurricane you seem to be trapped in. You look to see Skruge, the man from before, shoving through the crowd before he stands in the open. “Thor…Odinson.”

Loki snaps one of his fingers in the air and has a moment of disapproval on his face. “No, no,” he says, and hearing his voice again sends you reeling. Loki turns to Skurge and holds up his pointer finger. “You had one job! Just the one.”

Loki returns to facing Thor and you can only imagine the treatment he will receive. He really did it this time, way beyond faking his own demise. You begin to wonder about a question that will drive you mad: why did he do this? Wasn’t he happy with you? You know he was imprisoned in Asgard but was this really a solution to that? No, you decide. This was about what it’s always been about: his lust for the throne.

You still feel Thor’s gaze on you and you understand that he will not continue until he knows you’re okay. You slowly lift your tear-filled gaze to look at him, not daring to let a tear fall at this moment. Unable to speak, you give him a nod. He obviously knows that you’re not okay, how can you be? But it’s enough for him to go on for now.

You shift your gaze to look at Loki whose face seems to be dripping with jealousy at you and Thor’s exchange. You almost laugh at the audacity he has to feel jealous of a friend who’s offering you a small bit of support when you feel like you’re going through hell and Loki can barely look you in the eye.

“Where’s Odin?” Thor asks his brother and Loki’s acting kicks in again as he drops the jealousy to plaster on a smile.

“You just couldn’t stay away, could you?” Loki says, redirecting the conversation. “Everything was fine without you. Asgard was prospering,” he gestures to the crowd and this narcissistic cathedral. “You’ve ruined everything. Ask them--”

Thor advancing cuts Loki off and you find yourself lost in your thoughts again after his little speech. Everything was fine without you, he said. Though the sentence was aimed at Thor, you couldn’t help but feel it was meant for you. While you had been a complete wreck, here he is in a kingdom living out his fantasy life all without you. He seems to have doing just fine without you.

And how dare he claim everything to be okay? Sure, the city isn’t on fire yet, but his ignorance to the realms’ chaos has wrecked the balance of everything. If he had seen what you and Thor had, he wouldn’t be so sure of himself and his job well done.

“Where’s father? Did you kill him?” And just like that you return to reality.

“You had what you wanted,” Loki says, still trying to argue with his brother and paint himself to be the hero like in the play. “You had the independence you asked for!”

But Thor, like yourself, has had enough of Loki’s sly tongue and excuses. He presses Mjolnir onto Loki’s chest causing the god of mischief to cry out a little. The sound brings you some reassurance to know that he’s suffering just a bit for what he’s done.

“Alright! I know exactly where he is,” Loki admits and Thor pulls Mjolnir off his chest.

“Good,” Thor says. “You will take us to him in the morning. For now, I think it best if Y/N and I recover for the night.”

At the mention of your name, it’s almost like Loki is reminded of your presence for he looks at where you’ve been standing for the whole conversation. His expression softens and he seems to have now found his voice. “Y/N…” he says and hearing your name fall from his lips for the first time in half a decade is almost enough to break you. But you stand strong and glare back at him.

“Don’t,” you say, your voice being more unsteady than you would have liked. You take a deep breath to calm yourself. “Just…don’t.”

His face seems to break into guilt and heartache and in another time, that would have pained you to see. But he’s put you through too much. You walk up to where the two brothers are and Loki’s eyes seem fearful as if he feels you will take your wrath out on him. But everything has been too much and you can barely get the next few words out as you turn to Thor.

“Could you take me to where I’ll be staying?” you ask him. You know if you don’t leave soon that you will break down in front of all of these people and him and that’s the last thing you want right now. Where you want to be is as far away from the culprit as possible.

Thor seems to understand completely and you continue to be grateful for him. “Of course,” he says, as he wraps an arm around you and you cling to him as you have trained to as he starts to swing Mjolnir. Before you take off, you catch one last look at Loki and there again you see jealousy plague his features.

Good, you think. There is no way he has any reason to be threatened by Thor but knowing he’s upset continues to please you as you try to wrap your head around your own emotions. He catches your eye and switches from jealous to pained before you and Thor take to the skies and fly far away from him.

You find yourself unable to enjoy the view as you had the first time, watching numbly as the gorgeous city passes by in a blur. Soon, you and Thor arrive at the palace which at any other time would have had you starstruck but now the only sight you crave is a bed to curl up on.

Thor keeps sneaking concerned glances your way but you’re afraid if you meet his eyes, you’ll fall apart right then and there. It would make everything too real when it still feels like a dream.

You follow Thor down golden corridors that seem like they could fit giants and the guards seem to look almost relieved by the god’s presence. You feel like you’re in a mythical legend, like King Arthur, but grander and with more gold.

Thor finally leads you to a door and when he opens it, you see a beautifully decorated room. You let the fog in your mind lift for a moment to admire it. The walls have intricate designs almost like a painting and you feel afraid to touch them. Above your head there is a massive chandelier that hangs from a tall ceiling. You notice an armoire, a desk and mirror, a door that you assume leads to a closet, and a balcony with a breathtaking view. But your attention is drawn to the bed.

It looks like it could fit three of you comfortably on there and you wouldn’t even touch each other. Translucent curtains hang from the canopy. The duvet looks warm and inviting and the pillows look like they’re made of silk. The perfect place to collapse and have your meltdown.

“This is one of our guest rooms. It’s yours for as long as you want it,” Thor says. You take a deep breath and finally meet your friend’s eyes.

“Thank you, Thor,” you say, appreciative of his generosity.

“Of course,” he says. “I can have a doctor look after your wounds if you’d like.”

With all the drama, you had forgotten you were even injured. As if alerting your brain to the problem, you suddenly feel the impact of your encounter with the demon creatures. Now you definitely need to lie down.

“I’d rather take care of them myself, if that’s alright.” You’re not in the mood for any company, even a doctor.

“Absolutely. In that case, I’ll bring you some supplies,” he says. You nod with a small smile of gratitude. He then leaves to get them. You bite back your sobs as you know Thor will be returning shortly. You try to contain the thoughts that threaten to burst into your mind and you have to take deep breaths to keep from crying.

Thor is soon back with medical supplies and explains what they are if you don’t recognize it. “If you need anything else, my room is one door down to the right. Don’t be afraid to ask,” he says and you nod cause it’s all you can do. He looks at you and knows you want to be alone.

He turns to leave and hesitates at the door turning his head to say something before deciding against it. He shuts the door behind him and you slowly lie down on the bed and let the tears fall.

* * * * *

Tag List: @riribaex​ @80strashbag​

[maidenvault]

Favorite gothic horror novels? Just finished rereading Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Finished reading Rebecca about a month ago after not being able to concentrate on books for awhile and it brought me back to the gothic genre

Hey! 😁 So I don’t have a more recent memory of many books in this category and I don’t trust my own taste from 8+ years ago lol, but these are some novels you didn’t already mention (+ some short stories and other stuff) that I’ve loved enough to read more than once and know pretty well.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

“The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.” This one is so effective in how it very gradually turns into horror, opening with lush descriptions of the beauty of a garden in the first scene and then, as Dorian moves toward becoming so evil over the course of the story, taking you to darker and darker places, to depravity and decay. Basically a scathing criticism of English aristocracy and a defense of problematic art in which Wilde was also deprecating himself a bit, which seems to suggest that total innocence is the greatest sin because Dorian's inability to think for himself makes him so easily corrupted by challenging ideas.

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson 

“Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within.” I'm a bit of a hater of the Netflix Hill House, mostly because even taking it on its own terms it's just not that good, but also because it erases the real horror at the center of the novel, which is the harm the traditional family can do and the reality that one can never completely escape where they came from. The ending feels horrifyingly inevitable because of how incredibly well the protagonist and her weaknesses are fleshed out throughout the book. Few pieces of horror media have truly gotten to me and spoken to some of my own personal fears like this.

Interview With the Vampire / The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice

“Do you know what it means to be loved by Death? Do you know what it means to have Death know your name?” These aren't all-time favorite books of mine or anything, and I wouldn't quite call myself a TVC fan, but so much about these first two books in the series are exactly what I want when I feel like reading something moody and gothic in a historical setting. When I finally got around to reading these after a life of being exposed to stuff like True Blood and TVD, it felt like running my hands through bolts of authentic silk and velvet after only encountering synthetic imitations of those before. Somehow they still hold up as something special in the vampire genre and aren’t just laughable after angsty vampires and other things in them have become cliché. Knowing Anne Rice was, in a way, dealing with the death of her daughter by writing the first one certainly helps to still give it some real power.

Swamp Thing by Alan Moore (Saga of the Swamp Thing #20-61)

“There grows yet in Hell a flower that’s named for her.” In this run, Moore famously retconned aspects of Swampy's origin story and put him in a very Frankenstein-like state of questioning the nature and meaning of his existence as a monster. It's beautifully atmospheric and you can practically hear the insects in the Louisiana bayou in the more still and quiet nighttime moments. You get a mad scientist villain, a beauty-and-the-beast love story, truly terrifying vampires, truly terrifying occult magic stuff, and an unforgettable portrayal of Hell that Neil Gaiman would later build on in The Sandman.

“The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” by Washington Irving

“Not far from this village, perhaps about two miles, there is a little valley or rather lap of land among high hills, which is one of the quietest places in the whole world. A drowsy, dreamy influence seems to hang over the land, and to pervade the very atmosphere.” If you're not the kind of reader who can enjoy, in and of itself, being immersed in a setting through lengthy descriptions, this may not be your thing, but I just love the picture it paints of historical New England. It’s the ultimate spooky autumn vibes story, in a sort of wholesome and cozy way. I think of certain passages every year when the leaves start to turn and I start seeing pumpkins everywhere.

"The Masque of the Red Death" / "The Tell-Tale Heart" / "The Fall of the House of Usher" by Edgar Allan Poe

I mean, it's Poe. WYD if you haven't started with some of these.

"Goblin Market" by Christina Rosetti

If you were exposed to this as a kid like I was, it’s worth revisiting! A favorite poem of mine which tells a very moving and dark fairy tale.

“The Rats In the Walls” / “The Call of Cthulhu” / “The Shadow Over Innsmouth” by H.P. Lovecraft

“The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.” The problems with Lovecraft are well known and you can absolutely live without reading his work if you don't want to take the gross stuff with the stuff that works, but the stuff that works no one else can really do quite like he did. It's not that his prose was even that great, but....his imagination. 🤯 He was consciously taking a lot from Poe, and I think his work seems to partly fit right in with gothic works of the classic canon because it was dealing with the anxieties of an increasingly secular world, perhaps during the last gasp of a time when that could still feel like a relevant theme in horror, but obviously in a very new way that was uniquely his own and came to define cosmic horror.

[kikyan]

Yandere Soul Eater Headcanons

These are my interpretations of his persona and none of these are 100% accurate. I don't condone any of these actions in real life and all of this is purely fictional. 

Yandere Server 

Black Star 

I probably am gonna butcher all three but here we go! I’ve only seen the anime so I’ll be going off of that instead of the manga. When we meet Black Star we see a loud boy, a VERY loud person with a ‘radiant’ personality. He holds himself to a high degree and is a very funny person with an outgoing personality. Tsubaki is someone who can match with his soul wavelength because she is a very understanding and patient girl. Off the bat I think that his yandere type would be possessive, clingy, and manipulative. 

Let me start at the beginning. It was revealed that his parents were assassins, he never met them but somehow their reputation followed him. People judged him a lot despite him not being like his parents, wrongfully judged but he tries hard not to show it. I think that his personality ties in with that, he wants to alert attention to himself to show that he is his own person. 

Clingy. He is a very clingy person because his personality is in a sense, seeking attention. The first person he would seek attention from would be his S/O. He would always direct himself when he completed an accomplishment. Turn to his S/O and ask for their praise, when he gets it he simply turns to say “Well I’m Black Star after all!” He will constantly want his S/O’s attention in anything and everything he does. He’s about to fight someone? You’re coming to watch. He wants to show up whenever he wants. He’ll leave his own home and show up at his S/O’s home through the window because he’s built differently. 

Possessive. His S/O is his. Simple as that. He wants their attention 25/8 on him only, if his S/O is talking to someone else. No they aren’t. They aren’t. They simply can’t. Would call out to his S/O and grab them, hold them, put his arm around them, just assert dominance on them because that’s HIS S/O. It would get to the point where he would be over their house or would suggest them moving in with them. 

Manipulative. He would be manipulative. If his S/O would be upset about anything he will hype them up. He wouldn’t put them down, but he would question them. “ Well I guess you don’t want Black Star as your boyfriend.” Something like that. He wouldn’t be the biggest with manipulation, but he would drop subtle hints or maybe stop going over making their S/O question what is going on. Make it seem as if it’s their fault he is acting this way, their fault that this happened, etc. 

I don’t really see him as a dangerous yandere, but there is a slight chance that he may say some things that don’t sound the nicest at times. He could unintentionally say things he doesn’t mean, his S/O feels upset and then he may not apologize because he doesn’t understand what he said was wrong. It would take Tsubaki and the others to point out what he said was wrong, which would lead to him apologizing and feeling bad. Offering out to do something for his S/O because he is Black Star, he always makes up for mistakes. 

Soul “Eater” Evans

When I first started Soul Eater, I immediately looked at this man and said "He cute asf <3" and I still stand by that. Throughout the series you can see him two sides of him you can see a very laid back individual or a sacrificial individual who needs to do everything himself (let me explain) 

During the entire show he holds the 'cool' title and wants to be a laid back character who's morals aren't as laid back so he will step in when things aren't 'cool'. It doesn't take much to make him fall in love with his S/O just with enough interaction. With this relationship it's the most normal set up, you're a chill person and we've been friends, wanna go out? As a yandere? This is a tough one because it depends on the side that we're looking at. He, as himself, will do everything to make a normal relationship because I naturally see him as a little possessive guy. If we talk about after the black blood and dark thoughts, along with the little devil corrupting him, he would be a bit more cruel and sadistic in his ways to ensure his S/O will stay with him. With that I think of these, Possessive and Overprotective. Under the black blood's influence? Manipulative, Clingy, Sadistic. 

Possessive. I see him being like this naturally, it's just you're his S/O and he wants to make sure people know that. Will walk close to you and if people get too close, he'll get closer till they get the idea. It's just something simple, has an arm around you constantly. Someone is talking to you? He is about to slide in there and wrap around you, inviting himself into the conversation. Sometimes it can get a little too overbearing but crack a joke here and there and it's all good. 

Overprotective. He has Maka as his meister, but the cool thing about Soul is that he can turn his arm into a blade so he doesn't need Maka in some cases. No matter what you are, he'll always feel the need to protect you and take care of you. You could be dealing with things on your own but here comes Soul ready to help you. I see him either letting you deal with it while commenting, “Yeah, my S/O is a badass” or the one who thinks “ A cool boyfriend always helps out.” Towards the end of it, it seems a lot more overbearing. With the whole Kishin incident happening, he would be very overprotective to the point where he would request to be in the same group as you when you go scouting or after the Kishin. After the Kishin incident, he can’t help but fear something similar happening and wanting to be more overprotective. 

After getting the black blood, you can see that he wants to do the most he can to take care of Maka and ensure nothing bad happens to her. Slowly going insane with the suggestions that the demon gives him. I remember that one episode in the anime where Stein placed them in a room with a scent that makes them reveal their true feelings. Soul wants to protect Maka and Maka wants to protect Soul. Soul wants to be the weapon that he is and protect Maka, even prepared to lay down his life for her whereas Maka wants to protect Soul and avoid him getting hurt. He gets the black blood and the demon starts to exploit his wish by trying to let him lower his guard and taking over him. With everything going on, I can see his S/O siding with Maka and wanting to protect Soul. If he is like this with Maka, imagine him with his S/O. Wanting to protect his S/O is his number one priority, but to what extent?

Manipulative. He would be manipulative with his S/O. He would guilt trip them in some cases if they chose to deny hanging out with him or being a little busy. I think he would gaslight them into thinking that they need him to protect them. They need him, because without him they would be in trouble or maybe even lose their life. If I’m being honest, all he wants is a normal relationship with his S/O but he is very protective over them and will do everything he can to take care of them. 

Sadistic, but not by choice. This is a bit of a stretch, but I think he can. Of course under the influence of the Black Blood he would consider hurting his S/O to ensure that they are safe and sound. Breaking a limb or knocking them out to ensure that they can’t move. They need him and if they can’t see that, he needs to show them. 

I know that these are confusing and probably won’t make sense, but I think that after everything that happened in that show, he would be horrified if he couldn’t protect his S/O and live up to the ideology that he is a cool person. He would not only break down and lose it, doing what he can to make his S/O trust, believe, love, and depend on him. He would be clingy and if these ever got to be too much, he would turn to them for help. He tries so hard to be the ‘cool’ guy that sometimes he neglects his own feelings. Overall, he would be a dangerous yandere. If I could give a rating, I would say a 4 or a 5/10. He would slowly lose his sanity for his S/O. 

Death The Kid

Kid. I would say that he is a complex character but at the same time, not really. When it comes to Kid, I think he would be lowkey kinda scared for a romantic relationship because those require patience which a lot of people lose when it comes to him. Instead of laid back he is those people who go all out in relationships because they want everything to be perfect. With that in mind, I think he would be obsessive, lowkey possessive, and manipulative. 

Obsessive. He wants everything to be perfect but it can only be perfect if he knows how to properly plan things without thinking of the what ifs. One way to avoid that is to know everything about your S/O. He would stop to memorize your entire schedule, what you enjoy eating, how much you eat, how much you sleep, your favorite sleeping position, do you sleep with a plushie, etc. Man is OBSESSED with his S/O. Honestly, it’s those thoughts that consume him in the worst ways and worst times. Fighting a Kishin? ‘ What if they don’t like the way that I wrote my name on the group project sheet?’ Like no, you plague his mind 25/8. It would get to the point where he starts to get so obsessed with their life that he might ‘suggest’ or even take it upon himself to ‘help’ you do something in a particular style. Maybe a bit overcontrolling. 

Possessive. For starters, his S/O is someone who took patience with him. Liked his antics and understood his way of being. Never shamed him because in all honesty, I’m going to get real for a second. Kid has OCD, with symmetry and while some people find his antics funny and cute because they are portrayed that way, in a realistic setting this is the harsh reality. People with major OCD can’t do things they want to do without it taking an extreme, I don’t think I have OCD but I’ll give examples from what I’ve learned. People who don’t feel clean enough will often wash their hands, shower, or groom themselves very often. We know that while hygiene is very good, it’s very bad for the skin when it’s excessive. People would wash their hands frequently to the point their skin is raw from scrubbing or dry from the lack of moisture being trapped in the skin. Where something they did doesn’t feel right to the point they do it over and over again until it does. It’s something that can take time away from people, so while it’s portrayed to be funny in Soul Eater, it would be a real thing for Kid. His S/O would not judge him, would understand him, be patient with him, and genuinely care for him. People like that are very hard to find in the most extreme cases, of course I’m not shaming people who don’t want to be by someone's side like that because at the end of the day, you have no obligation to be there, but for Kid? His S/O would be there for him. Again, his S/O means the world to Kid because it’s someone who wants him for himself and for everything. He would not hesitate to dirty someone’s reputation or his own hands to ensure that his S/O stays with him. He isn’t playing games, he would proudly show them off because he loves them very much. 

Manipulative. Kid is very smart and while knowing everything about his S/O, he can direct his or his S/O’s  act to go into his favor. With this in mind, he can do a lot of damage. He would be in pain constantly but he wouldn’t be above making his S/O feel bad or doubt themselves if he has to. He would see that his S/O would feel bad when Kid goes into his mood where he feels like trash. He sees that makes his S/O lean more to him. If he wants their attention or time with them, he would pull that card to get his S/O with him. 

Kid isn’t a dangerous yandere who means physical harm, but mentally yeah. He can be dangerous, he is literally the Grim Reapers son, he has so much power but he can be so vulnerable. Physically? He can deal a lot of damage, but mentally? He can deal more. Think of it like this, it’s the fear that this man can inflict pain. It’s the fact that this man who is strong, is being vulnerable in front of you, to you. It’s the fact that he knows certain things about, it’s that fact that his man makes it seem like you’re responsible and that he needs you. It’s the fact that this man could do something and it would be all your fault, doesn’t matter if you know, it’s the fact that everyone will believe that you’re the cause of whatever Kid did. He is the son of the Grim Reaper, he was raised and taught well but you? No, you weren’t. 

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Dean’s Self Acceptance & Chekhov's Grenade Launcher

If you aren’t here for a deeper look at episode 12x22, metaphors, and Dean being bi, keep scrolling because we’re going to get into that holy hand grenade - Supernatural’s Grenade Launcher, the weapon that Dean has loved since season one but always got shamed out of using; shamed out of using UNTIL 12x22; an episode literally titled, ‘Who We Are’.   

After which Dean loses Castiel and goes into the Widower arc ... ok. ... Cool. I’ll just read nothing into any of that shall I?

(cont under the cut)

Okay first- ‘what grenade launcher? I don’t remember a grenade launcher?’

Dean has a grenade launcher in the trunk that we’ve never seen him use. It's been there at least since episode 1x02. He has assigned a gender to the grenade launcher, calling it ‘she’ like his car.  It has appeared multiple times, but one noteworthy time was two episodes ago when Dean was showing his arsenal to Max Barnes, the openly gay witch hunter, in 12x20. Mmmhmm, nothing to see there. Nothing about the slow progression of Dean learning to accept himself. Nothing about Dean opening his trunk up to a canonically gay man.

Dean often wants to use  it  her, but  it’s  she’s impractical,  it’s  she’s not stealthy.  The thing is unsafe, and other characters are constantly telling him no, put it back, don’t bring it, don’t use it. (See 12x05) 

When Dean lost his memory - when he would have seen no reason NOT to use it, one of the other characters reminded him with a post-it note: this thing that you want to do, that’s a natural instinct for you, don’t do it. (See 12x11)

[gif credit to @demondetox​ & ​ @shirtlesssammy​]

Okay, now that we have a bit of primer - let’s talk about 12x22.  There’s a lot to unpack in this episode.

Mary has been brainwashed and the boys have been locked in the bunker to die.  After trying magic and pickaxes (shout out to “goggles? goggles.”), Dean realizes it is time. Time to tear down his big concrete wall with something, "Big, Beautiful, and Dumb" regardless of what the British lady in the bunker says, and he's getting no more resistance from Sam.

"I have had this thing for so long, I have been waiting for the *perfect* moment to use this."

We've been seeing the grenade launcher for 12 seasons, and in how many episodes and they just happen to have Dean finally use it to break OUT by breaking DOWN walls in an episode titled ‘WHO WE ARE’?!  

Having torn down that wall with the grenade launcher, it becomes time to deal with other, less physical ones.  There are British Men of Letters to fight, Mary is still brainwashed, and there is no magical shortcut that is going to cut through. In a display of how far the characters have come, Sam is becoming a leader in a fight he originally wanted no part in [which the show will drop over and over for no reason] and Dean, well this one’s about Dean for me.

Dean fucked up his leg coming out ... of the bunker, I mean. Finally using the grenade launcher, it hurt, but it didn’t kill him.  An earlier Dean would have joined the fight at the men of letters compound anyway, prepared to die in a blaze of glory.  However, Dean has changed.  Instead he recognizes that going into a fight right now would be idiotic and he stays behind to fight with EMOTIONS instead of brawn.  It’s okay to Dean, and even his idea, to not go into the ‘manly’ fight.  Dean has become secure in himself enough to volunteer to go into the battle that requires being open and honest about feelings.  He initiates the hug and feelings talk with Sam, (only undercutting a lil with a classic 'bitch' 'jerk' call response). No chick flick moments indeed. 

So Dean and Sam hug, Sam promises Dean he’ll come back, and we move on to the most important scene in the episode. Dean has broken through mind control with feelings before, with Cas in season 8 episode 17 when we had the infamous ‘We need you. I need you’ moment (though apparently Jensen Dean  was still guarded enough that this was not an ‘I love you’.) but this time Dean goes into Mary’s psyche; Mary who has been a stand in all season for who Dean was emotionally before his character growth.

The viewer is expecting some big declaration of love, that’s how dean broke through last time.  But no. That’s not what we get. 

Dean finally lets out his true feelings. About his childhood. About John. About Mary’s death.  About everything that has ever happened to Sam. The walls are coming down.   Dean is honest with someone about the resentment he feels (which should be directed at John) about the responsibility that was put on him as a child.   In sharp contrast to his reaction to Mary’s guilt at the beginning of the season, of Dean as the perpetual caretaker, now Dean gets to acknowledge his own feelings, that he does blame Mary and her deal for what they went through.  Watch this scene.  He hates her and he loves her. okay. 

Yes, Dean got to use the grenade launcher, but it wasn’t in a climax of some epic battle.  It was in the ramp up - the beginning of an episode.

No, the climax of the episode was Dean comin to terms with feelings the character has had since season one.   We’ve been looking at this grenade launcher for 12 years, but we’ve been witnessing Dean’s feelings here for just as long & Dean takes his emotional predecessor, Mary, along with him. 

I will skip past the fight scene between him and ketch - which is actually impressive given the horse tranquilizer he’d been given.  Instead, I want to get to 12x23, to his reunion with Castiel. 

Dean has used the grenade launcher. Dean has accepted himself and admitted something to himself that you can’t even really see until you look back at this episode’s placement retrospectively.  Dean is no longer trying to fight with Castiel, he just wants to help him.  Castiel heals Dean’s major knee injury and Dean, well we get an interesting jacting joice: 

in fact, the moment continues with a lil half smile and Dean looking down and checking his knee, I’m just having trouble getting a gif or a video to make one from.  Throughout the entire episode Cas routinely addresses Dean specifically despite being in a group at all times. Cas later makes a run at Lucifer and Sam wrestles a yelling concerned Dean away and back through the rift, just as Dean wrestled him away from Jess in the pilot.

At the end of this episode Cas is killed in front of Dean, who for the first time doesn't continue on in the fight, instead dropping to his knees. This all flows right into Dean’s intense season 13 widower arc.   Dean feels Cas’s death in a way we have never seen him grieve before. 

Ho.ly.Shit.

"Who We Are". 

It gets another use later in the series in the same episode where Dean also wears a live action version of the pink sleeping gown he wore in scoobynatural, but we’ll get to that later.

[detectivemarvelingcomics]

Could you do some hcs for dating the teen titans?

Yes I can!! I just got HBO Max so I’ve been binging both the animated and the live action series haha 😂 Thank you so much for being my first request!

Also I’m guessing you’re referring to the original teen titans, so if you want the new teen titans just shoot me another request!

Dating the Teen Titans Would Include...

No Specified AU

TW: Language

Genre: Fluff

[DC Masterlist]

Word Count: 2.0K (About 0.2K per Titan)

Dick Grayson

You must have an insane amount of patience, truly, to be able to date Dick Grayson

If the joke book he probably carries around isn’t enough, I would’ve been certain that the ego would drive you away but nope you’re still here

And that’s how you both knew that it was true fucking love you’re both inseparable and the Titans know it.

To put things simply... he loves you and the Titans fear you.

While you’re both somewhat easygoing and hospitable, one would do well not to piss off one or the other because you both come as a package deal and you can kick ass when necessary you just choose not to embarrass Dick like that because you could totally outmatch him.

Don’t ask him that though he’d insist that he’d win.

Best not bring up the first time you met or else the Titans would never let him live it down

But in all seriousness, I see the relationship as rather lighthearted and enjoyable, maybe a bit spontaneous too. Want to go to the beach? Done. Want to kick some ass in Gotham? For sure. It’s like a match made in heaven.

Not to mention that the Titans rather look up to you, which is a definite plus. Not just anyone can date the Dick Grayson.

Wally West

As opposed to popular opinion... I’d think that this is a rather slow relationship. 

Speedsters are more than just familiar with how life just flashes by so I think Wally would like to enjoy the relationship at a slower pace, he wants it to last as long as possible.

With that said, you’re both menaces. His speed combined with your cleverness? No one is safe and the Titans know it.

The best moment of your relationship, although this is debatable, was when you and Wally successfully turned the Titan tower into an all-out prank minefield. Trash cans were covered with plastic, buckets of water places on doorways, even wardrobes were switched.

And all done in ten seconds, impressive. Nothing quite like starting a war in the Tower then grabbing burgers after, right?

Kind of cheesy but I can see you both having frequent movie nights that differ in genre according to month. You both probably rotate on who chooses the movie too.

Overall I think you both have a lot of fun together, if I were to compare the “vibes” to something, I would say a summer relationship (that obviously lasts longer than just a summer) where everything is just living life as it goes

Nah because like I said before you guys don’t want to rush things, and you’re always there to remind Wally to just slow down every now and then.

I should probably mention that this is a competitive relationship too, before I go, not everything’s a competition but everything’s a competition, you know? It’s a shame that the Titans often get caught in the cross fire though-

Donna Troy

Oh this one’s fun. Donna’s new to this whole “rest of the world” stuff but luckily she has a wonderful partner who’s willing to teach her everything.

A lot of the relationship consists of you explaining things, but it’s kind of endearing despite Donna’s headstrong attitude towards anything

But Donna is also the kind to be open to learning new things, and you’re open to trying new things. It works like clockwork, you’re both young and willing.

Now these “things” can range from baking cookies to extreme mountain climbing so be prepared for anything in this relationship.

Overall I think the Titans see you both as a really cute relationship, one that anyone could be slightly envious of and one that they’re glad that exists

But despite this loving relationship I think you’d both be absolute machines in a battle, I think one thing that is important to Donna is ultimately respect for each other’s abilities, having grown up on Themyscira and all, and maybe that one battle where you absolutely demolished the enemy was when she really caught interest.

Or not. It could’ve also been when you mistakenly ran into one of the glass walls in the tower and she developed a crush over you while you mumbled a series of curses.

This relationship is strongly built on loyalty, so I think you both would be describes as a pair of ride-or-dies who typically tend to lean towards the latter, especially when trying the more extreme things that Donna asked you about.

But overall I think it’s a really sweet relationship with few bumps, they’re still there but I mean that you’re both good at working through them.

Victor Stone

I feel like this relationship is very classical high school romance, you know?

Like walking to class together, holding each other’s books, stuff like that.

But on the other hand I feel like you’re both a very fun couple to be around, like you know how when you’re with some couples it feels like you’re third wheeling? Not these two. You feel like you’re part of the crew

You guys probably switch between fun couple and parent couple every now and then, I can see the Titans relying on both of you a lot for different things.

You and Victor are definitely the type to play games to determine who buys food, like things as simple as rock-paper-scissors to things as complicated as 8-Ball, and so far you’ve been winning at a ratio of 3:1.

Definitely a very trusting relationship, I feel like you both reach that comfortable stage faster than most, but it feels right, you know? I think you’d both understand that relationships go both ways.

There are probably times where you’re both in a teasing mode too, I think, but they’re mostly light hearted pranks, definitely not anything in the realm of what Wally would do

I kinda want to say that you’re a very active couple in that you both like to go to the gym together and idk take hikes together but at the same time I also want to say that you’re both inclined to stay home and play video games so I guess it’s like a 50/50

I can also see Victor being the type to do small acts of generosity as opposed to like buying gifts to show his appreciation for you, like I feel like he’s more inclined to help you with small tasks when he knows you need it, you know? Overall very cute, hehe

Raven (Rachel Roth)

Now this one’s interesting, you and Raven are certainly an interesting duo, but the most interesting thing would likely be how you met. Let’s say it involved a blood sacrifice, a bat, and a very old bicycle.

No you weren’t trying to summon her someone else was you just ended up being at the wrong place at the wrong time anyway moving on

You’re both the perfect example of opposites attract for more reasons than just one. 

But what makes it better is that you’re always open and willing to learn and understand many of the things that Raven does and she appreciates it a lot

It goes both ways also! She’s always willing to do whatever you ask her to and you both end up having at least some fun even if it happens to be something she isn’t used to.

Random, but I think a favorite pass time for both of you is simply sitting in her room and reading books, weird, I know, but like there’s something inherently romantic about either of you excitedly showing the other a certain passage you both enjoyed or telling them about your book, it’s just so sweet.

She definitely has a personal bias towards you, obviously, Garfield can say a joke and she’d stare at him with a straight face but you could say the exact same joke probably right after him and she would crack a smile and she probably does that on purpose but it still feels nice

You also may or may not have caught on to her incantations and now you may or may not be able to perform these spells but you haven’t tried because you wouldn’t know how to but it’s just telling of how much time you spent together.

I only mention this because there was an event in which you corrected her incantation and suddenly hell fire appeared which she had to figure out how to get rid of and since then you both mutually agreed to both (a) not tell the Titans and (b) not say incantations out loud

Koriand’r (Starfire)

STOP YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE anyway you’re definitely both kinds to see beauty in everything

Maybe this relationship is rather dangerous considering you’re both curious people and Kori happens to be able to shoot lasers out of her eyes so maybe you should both be just a little more careful

You’re both probably very doting on both each other and the rest of the Titans and although you’re both well intentioned it has become a case of “oh no there’s two of them” but in like a teasing way

I feel like Kori is very open to sharing a lot of aspects about her culture with you, and you have always found Tamaran culture to be beautiful so it fits

Likewise you share a lot of things about your culture too and you both bond over finding ways to combine them together to make a nice fusion of understandings and it’s all a sweet combination

See a big thing about this relationship if that you both put your everything into it, it is an equal push and equal pull kind of thing where you both love each other with everything that you have and it creates this unbreakable bond that even non-supers have come to acknowledge

Though this also results in the both of you frequently being in your own world even when others are around and that’s something you both promised to fix but yeah...

It’s coming around, don’t worry. You’re both making active efforts but sometimes it just slips your mind and whoops

Now this should go without saying but this trust often leads to powerful combinations when in missions, you’re both fiercely loyal to each other and this often plays in overall favor so all is well

Garfield Logan

This is a fun relationship, definitely, and one that’s also very fulfilling.

You’re both definitely an outdoorsy couple, things like hikes, nature walks (which I guess is also a hike but I’ve been told otherwise), trips to the zoo, etc. but this all just builds the relationship

Also a very sweet one! You both have an unlimited amount of energy and love that you’re often expending said energy volunteering somewhere and helping others out

But when it boils down you’re both also very touchy, I think, you both like being together at all times and cuddles are a frequent occurrence but at the will of the other Titans you both do this in privacy

I also feel like this sweetness can also “flip,” so to say. As in if someone messes with either of you in the relationship the other will come running regardless of whether or not they could do anything about it.

To put it short, you both have each other’s back all the time. Literally, like I said you’re both inseparable. 

Despite these I think the relationship would actually be rather lowkey, I don’t think he would be the type to constantly showcase the relationship. I think he’d mention it like once to get it out there but after that he wouldn’t flaunt you around.

I just think that Garfield, even with his usual out and about behavior, is rather modest when it comes to this topic because you’re more to him than just someone to show off, you’re someone who’s important to him and overall he just wants you to be comfortable

If there’s one flaw in this relationship it’s that when you have arguments it’s just horrible, but also rather comedic. Neither of you talk to the other but you both end up still being in the same room together subconsciously. It’s kind of awkward but the coincidences are what makes the other Titans laugh and honestly you both make up within, like, a day or something.

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in July

Once again I’m doing my monthly round-up of movies I’ve watched. This was a good month for the cinema getting back on track and seeing new releases including the new M. Night movie, Old and James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad. Pretty sure Marvel put out a new movie also. I’m hoping that this list can help in guiding a decision about what to watch (or what to avoid) and introduce people to movies they may otherwise not have heard of or bothered to see. These short reviews are my own subjective opinions on each individual movie and maybe a more informal approach to movie criticism can help include others who are just passing through. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of July.

Bridesmaids (2011) - 4/10

Off to a good start. I won’t say Bridesmaids is a terrible movie but I don’t think I’m exactly the target audience. As far as I know, this is a beloved comedy but I just can’t get on board with all the boring, juvenile humour; with Maya Rudolph shitting in the street, with Rose Byrne and Kristen Wiig trying to one-up each other at a toast that went on forever, with Melissa McCarthy shitting in a sink… the conflict is so done to death and makes the movie feel unspecial. I do understand the appeal of the film, especially for women in that before this movie the likelihood of seeing something like this, where women play up the more crass and gross side of comedy, was probably few and far between. But the story is very tired and while I did appreciate some moments, namely a couple of decent jokes and some of the more intimate scenes, for the most part it felt like they wanted to corner a more quiet type of line delivery in a way that was supposed to be understated but very funny so as to not rely on over the top body language or musical cues, and it ended up being super dull.

Spectre (2015) - 7/10

As far as I can tell, a lot of people don’t like this instalment of the James Bond franchise… but I really enjoyed it! I’ve really taken a shine to these Daniel Craig-era Bond movies and while I can’t say any of them are the most amazing thing, I have a lot of fun with them. The biggest problem I have with Spectre is the villain being utterly pointless and uninteresting in basically every way. The idea of every villain Bond has fought before being tied to this one organisation controlled by this one guy is ridiculous, and what makes it worse is that the villain is barely in it! There’s so much that doesn’t come together in this but as it goes, I still had a really good time. Daniel Craig holds the whole thing together; he is excellent as 007 and the main reason I’m up for each of these movies is because of him. Sam Mendes directs again after the previous instalment and for what it’s worth I do think he does a good job with some of the action set pieces and the locations. I’m so ready for No Time To Die.

Shazam (2019) - 7/10

Shazam is a genuinely fun superhero movie that doesn’t take itself seriously at all. I was having a great time throughout and while it could conform to some of the same tropes we’re used to with these kinds of movies, it still remained playful and used the character of Shazam to his fullest potential in a way that showed an understanding of just how silly the idea of a kid who can turn into an adult and shoot lightning out of his hands is.

High School Musical (2006) - 6/10

So as you may or may not know, I co-host a podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon. It’s a film podcast and every week I get together with my other co-hosts and watch movies. For episode 38, we watched the High School Musical trilogy. This first movie blew me away. I was really surprised with just how much fun I had, and if you want to hear more of my thoughts on the film, please listen to episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 2 (2007) - 4/10

We then jumped into the second and while it’s certainly not as good as its predecessor, there are still some brilliant songs that manage to top the last movie. Again, more of what I have to say can be heard on episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) - 3/10

Senior Year was pretty hard to get through. I don’t remember it being as bad as it was, but then I didn’t really remember it anyway. It did however have one redeeming quality, which you can discover on episode 38 of the podcast.

The Piano Teacher (2001) - 9/10

What the fuuuckkkk. The Piano Teacher is horrendously affecting and I was so upset when it ended, maybe not because it’s not what I wanted but because it’s just so fucking dour and unrelenting. This is the second Haneke movie I’ve seen (after the original Funny Games) and I���m so impressed with how well executed it is. Following a woman who teaches piano, we get a glimpse into the life she lives, how sheltered she is from living with her mother at an age where you’d reasonably expect a person to be living alone or with a partner or friends (even going so far as to be sleeping in the same bed as her), and how repressed she is sexually. It’s clear she’s never experienced any kind of sexual interaction or romantic love with another person, so she goes out of her way to take control and make that happen. The upsetting nature of it comes from just what she does in pursuit of it or as a result of her repression, and what is done to her. It is by no means a movie to recommend to your parents but The Piano Teacher offers so much in terms of the ideas it presents (and I’ll admit there seems to be a lot more going on than I think I picked up on a first go round) about women in modern society, and about the portrayal of sex and expectations of people when it comes to how that is represented in a person’s character depending on their gender. I really enjoyed this movie but it is not for the faint of heart.

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011) - 1/10

My podcast co-hosts decided it’d be a right laugh to add Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure to this episode and that might have been a fun idea for them because they got to watch it together, but I was just watching it alone. Just a 24-year-old man watching Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure alone and having a miserable time, I might add. But for a short and sweet ramble on what we all thought, please listen to episode 38 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Dr. No (1962) - 6/10

A lot of very iffy parts of this movie. A lot of discomfort arising from how black people are portrayed that really didn’t sit right with me. As far as a Bond movie goes, this first instalment in the series is one I’ve seen before and it’s not wholly engaging but it plants the seeds for the rest, with Sean Connery breathing life into the role and making an otherwise lacklustre plot bearable.

Black Widow (2021) - 6/10

I think probably the best part about Black Widow is the experience I had while watching it. It was great being back in the cinema with a couple of friends in a packed theatre. The energy was high and I’m sure for a lot of people, this is the first time they’d been to the cinema since Endgame. For what it’s worth, I did have a lot of fun with Black Widow and I’ve explained more of what I thought about the movie in episode 39 of the podcast.

The Climb (2020) - 10/10

The Climb was added to Now TV recently and I already knew I loved it, having seen it in an empty cinema theatre last year, which I had an absolute blast with. The Climb details the years of a rocky friendship told over scenes filmed as one-shots. Not only is the presentation something to gawk at, but the performances by the two leads playing these friends with a terrifically dysfunctional dynamic is truly captivating. They’re both trying to figure out their own lives and where one can come across as being rather selfish, the opposite is true in his counterpart, whom everyone loves. This is a truly funny and heartwarming movie with a lot to say about how we choose to live our lives and who we choose to be with. It’s a shame the distributors of The Climb didn’t do a very good job because if not for it being available on Now TV, it would be near impossible to watch without forking out more money than is necessary to purchase a film.

From Russia With Love (1963) - 5/10

The second Bond movie. I thought perhaps I’d change my mind on it with another watch, having seen it for the first time maybe a year ago. But no, it’s still largely boring and it treats women like absolute garbage. From Russia With Love is one of those movies I forget as I watch it, and I was trying very hard (in the middle of the day!) not to fall asleep.

The Good, The Bart, and The Loki (2021) - 1/10

I don't usually talk about the short films I watch but for this I'll make an exception. As we all should know, Disney owns The Simpsons now, through their acquisition of Fox, so, coupled with another of their properties, that being Marvel, they decided to make a six-minute animated film wherein Marvel’s Loki is stranded in Springfield. This felt as though it was a minute long due to the horrendously jarring pacing; it is a movie that feels adamant that it needs to exist, while trying as hard as it can to be over as soon as possible. It serves only to stare the audience directly in the face and say “look, characters from The Simpsons are dressed as Avengers”, shit out three credit scenes, then end before you’ve even processed the atrocity you just bore witness to.

Russian Ark (2002) - 8/10

For this next episode of the podcast, we watched a few Russian movies, starting with Russian Ark, a film shot completely in one take as the camera moves about a luxurious museum in a first-person perspective as this main character watches what is happening around him, seeing people moving about the place but unable to interact with them, guided only by another man who seems to be just slightly out of his own perception of reality. This is a tremendous feat in filmmaking and more can be heard about what I have to say in episode 39 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Ivan’s Childhood (1962) - 7/10

For my own pick of Russian movies to discuss on the podcast, I chose the debut feature from one of my favourite directors, Andrei Tarkovsky. It’s amazing that while this is not his best film by far, Ivan’s Childhood is still such a stellar debut, jumping around in its timeline as it details a child’s experience in the second world war. Again, I do go into more depth in episode 39 of the podcast, so be sure to check that out.

Outlaw (2019) - 1/10

The third movie chosen for this marathon is apparently the fourth Russian LGBTQ+ movie ever made. I’m unsure of the ultimate goal of this movie but what seems to be clear is that it hates the LGBTQ+ community. This is perhaps the worst film we’ve discussed on the podcast to date, so listen to episode 39 to understand exactly why it’s such trash.

Almost Famous (2000) - 7/10

I too love heavy music and also studied journalism so it stands to reason that a movie about a teenager who makes his way onto a band tour, following them through America and interviewing them as they hang out and play shows is going to be a premise that resonates with me. This certainly did. I enjoyed Almost Famous a lot; this kid is living the dream and I was so along for the ride, seeing a lot of myself in what was being portrayed. That said, the story itself is at times a bit by the numbers and I really would’ve been more on board if the visual component was more interesting. For what it is, technically it’s fine enough but nothing in that department ever jumped out at me.

Minari (2021) - 8/10

It’s crazy that this didn’t get a theatrical run where I live in the UK. It feels as though I complain about film distribution all the time but I really don’t understand the process by which a movie gets no cinematic release and yet, months later will pop up on the front shelf of hmv, taking pride of place. But of course I got the blu-ray straight away. Minari has a lot to say about the immigrant experience, specifically in America as a family comes over from Korea and tries to start a business and make something of themselves. You get to see a lot of what you might not think twice about when you think about immigration: the hardship of coming from a place where you know everyone to somewhere rural and sparsely populated, having to make friends with locals and integrate within the community; the strain it can put on a family and on a marriage where this idea is presented about the importance of making it on your own in order to live and not just survive, while also taking into account why you’re doing it in the first place and the value you place on being part of a family that you decided to make because that was more important than money, than economy, than proving you were good enough to make it in a place that gave you very little advantage from the offset. This concept of the promised land, of the American dream is a construct. There are times when it’s not pretty, when you have no running water, or you’re in debt, or a family member is dying and it just feels like you’ve been dealt as bad a hand as you can get. But it is better to know you’re not facing all that alone.

Roma (2018) - 10/10

This was my recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. Roma is as beautiful as it is heart-wrenching and I would recommend listening to episode 40 of the podcast to find out more about my thoughts.

An American Werewolf In London (1981) - 8/10

In all fairness, London is enough to make anyone a little crazy at the best of times. An American Werewolf in London showcases some fantastically grotesque effects, akin to something like Carpenter’s The Thing, in showing the dead brought back to life and a horrifically gory transformation scene. Although the film is from the perspective of an American protagonist, directed also by an American, the depiction of British culture and climate is something I’ve not seen many films pull off quite so well, and I was pleasantly surprised at the more comedic tone the film has overall, which is something that works more in its favour than straight horror would.

The Party’s Just Beginning (2018) - 6/10

Karen Gillan’s directorial debut is… pretty good! There are a lot of ideas I like in this movie: a woman living life and through convenient circumstances, is confronted with death in many ways. Gillan obviously knows her homeland as well as she can, imbuing the whole thing with an intensely Scottish vibe (though maybe not in the same vein as something like Trainspotting) that makes it a bit more unique than a more run of the mill movie of this ilk, backed up in no small part by her own main performance. The plot itself is no great diversion from the kind of story I’m used to with these smaller movies and for something that’s trying to include messaging about transgender issues and suicide, it probably could have been handled better or done in a different way.

Solaris (1972) - 9/10

Another Tarkovsky joint, one I thought I’d revisit to see if there was indeed more to get out of it a second time. Well, it’s no surprise that yes, there was certainly more to get out of it. Solaris is a crazy trip of a movie and I would liken it to Kubrick’s 2001 in terms of how grand the scale of it feels. Yet this is a film that comes across as deeply personal, choosing to focus on a specific character as he goes to a space station to help those on board who are experiencing some kind of emotional crises, only to feel the effects of the planet, Solaris invading his own mind as it has the crew. To many, I can see this lengthy Russian sci-fi being a tad slow but my personal experience is one of deep engagement. Solaris pulls its viewer in a lot of different directions and it is always doing something unexpected in terms of where its narrative goes. There’s a lot to think about with the movie and thankfully it’s no chore to watch again.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001) - 9/10

Another recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. This is a very relaxed experience, following three young people as they go on a road trip, visit different places and have sex. Listen to episode 40 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast for more of my thoughts.

Children of Men (2006) - 10/10

My favourite Cuarón movie, one that never stops being tense as its characters are constantly moving towards the end goal. Set in a future where humans are infertile, the oldest living person is 18, and London is the last city in the world that’s still keeping it together, somewhat. This is masterclass filmmaking. Listen to episode 40 of the podcast for more insights.

Minority Report (2002) - 5/10

I’m really not the biggest fan of Spielberg… Minority Report is an interesting movie in terms of its concept of stopping crimes before they happen by way of prediction, but I just didn’t connect with the heart of it. The colouring is way too overexposed in a way that’s supposed to be eliciting a futuristic vibe but instead feels so early-2000’s in the worst way. My biggest problem with Minority Report is just how long it is, clocking in at two hours and twenty-five minutes which allows for a lot of meandering, all while never quite developing characters enough for you to care about.

Caché (2005) - 9/10

Oh god! Another Michael Haneke movie! Here we see a couple periodically sent video tapes featuring hours of footage of the outside of their house. The anxiety ratchets up and the mystery gets deeper with every minute. There’s always at least one moment in any of his films that have so far made me realise just how out of my depth I am. Caché is no exception, and I won’t spoil anything here because I think it’s better just to watch the movie and see for yourself. He is a director that wants the audience to know something and that something is never what is explicitly shown at face value; it is pressed into the fabric of the film - plainly evident, yet hidden. Caché is so stupidly clever in displaying its themes and messaging - making reference to the Siene Massacre of 1961 as well as a deeper study of colonialism - and there’s no way to change a single detail of it without risking the Jenga tower crumbling to the ground. It all works in tandem. It is passion and fury and haunting.

Coco (2017) - 7/10

Pixar had a string of around seven forgettable movies before this point so thankfully Coco emerged to show the company still had something good in them. Coco deals a lot with themes of death and legacy, remembering those who are gone in order to preserve them and while its plotting is quite basic and there are certainly moments that either drag or cannot escape the same Pixar formula, most of what the movie has to offer is a lot of fun, with creative, colourful animation and emotional beats that resonate the way they’re supposed to.

Incredibles 2 (2018) - 5/10

Oh, they almost had it! There's a lot here that could have been explored in far more interesting ways. Setting Incredibles 2 directly after the events of the first movie was not a good idea. If it had taken place five or ten years after, the characters could have been in different places in life and it would feel as though they'd actually changed and developed. But instead of trying to be a film that actually cares about its characters and the journeys they go on, a lot of the film is wrestling with the idea that Bob isn't supportive of his wife and Jack-Jack has to fight a raccoon… They have to shoehorn in a villain that in no way compares to the genius of the original. The ending of the original introduces another antagonist that gets wrapped up within this film's first ten minutes, except they don't catch him and he's never mentioned again. It's a real shame because the animation is fantastic and the acting is superb and there are great ideas sprinkled throughout. It just doesn't come together.

Toy Story 4 (2019) - 6/10

I was rather reluctant to watch Toy Story 4 because from the get-go I’m not really here for sequels being made just for the sake of it. Everyone loves Toy Story and making another one is a sure fire way to make money. This is the first time I’ve seen Toy Story 4 and for what it’s worth, I did enjoy it. The animation is immaculate and that alone feels like a huge flex from Pixar who tend to step up the game when it comes to animation in film, despite not having the best track record for films generally at this point. While it was nice to see these characters again, I found a lot of them to be side-lined (namely Buzz) in favour of a story that focuses mainly or entirely on Woody, who I just don’t like as much as in the previous movies. Generally the movie is good and decent enough but there’s no real antagonist and the plot is quite loose… it doesn’t feel as though it needed to be made from a story point of view.

Onward (2020) - 6/10

And with that I have seen every Pixar movie. And Onward is a fine one to go out on. While I don’t think it compares to the likes of earlier Pixar it’s still pretty fun. Or maybe I’m just a sucker for a medieval setting filled with bright colours and magic! Speaking of which, the animation was super and the medieval quest element is something that hooked me with the film. Again, plot-wise it does feel very familiar and I don’t know, maybe I’m past the point now of expecting Pixar to mix it up where their formula for story-telling is concerned but the movie is quite predictable. Nonetheless, while I’m not rushing back to see Onward I would hardly turn it off or refuse if someone wanted to watch it.

Old (2021) - 3/10

Oh boy! New M. Night movie dropped and my word, was it fun! For more of my thoughts on this… masterpiece (?) of a movie, please direct your attention to episode 41 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

T2 Trainspotting (2017) - 5/10

Trainspotting is perhaps one of my favourite movies and I had never bothered with the sequel, 20 years on, because the ending of that first movie is so conclusive. T2 felt more an excuse for these guys to get together again and in that, I probably would have preferred a couple of pictures on Twitter of the main cast and director, Danny Boyle having dinner or something. This is a fine movie - very arty in its presentation but meandering and dull in its story that doesn’t offer much in the way of proof that it had to exist.

Taste of Cherry (1997) - 9/10

What makes life worth living? This is a central question and theme of Taste of Cherry, and one that leaves such interpretation not only up to its central character but to the viewer as well. This film got me thinking about times in my life when I truly have had no answer to hard questions. Because it’s hard to convince people of things they are so adamantly against and harder still to rationalise what you believe if you’re not even entirely sure why you believe it in the first place. We are all of us alive and in recognising that, does that make it precious? And if indeed living is not a happy thing, why then should we fight so hard to preserve it? I felt upset as I watched this movie because I’ve been asked these kinds of questions before and it makes me feel stupid when I’m unable to answer. But the only real answer I can give is, everything. And if you can’t see the point then you’re not looking hard enough. Taste of Cherry is beautiful in its exploration of these topics and in its overall presentation, offering some of the best visuals in any movie I’ve seen - fitting for a feature with so much to say about the beauty of life - and an ending that as much pulls the rug out from under you as it does pull you out of the dark and make you realise just how lonely you’ve felt.

Bones (2001) - 2/10

Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones! This film is super funny but I’m not sure it’s trying to be and I really didn’t love it overall. But I do talk more in depth about it in episode 41 of the podcast.

The Duchess (2008) - 5/10

Another recommendation for the podcast. The Duchess was pretty much exactly what I thought it was going to be and there’s a lot to like about it but generally it’s a bit sparse. For more chat on the movie, listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) - 1/10

This was another one for the podcast and man, was it awful. We had to watch it at 1.5x speed towards the end because it just wasn’t getting finished otherwise. To find out more, make sure to listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) - 7/10

Pull the lever, Kronk! Haha! Slays me. I do quite miss this era of Disney, where the animation was hand-drawn and the stories were actually compelling and funny. The Emperor’s New Groove is vibrant, it’s got great characters and memorable moments that will forever be ingrained in the memory of culture. All in all, it’s just a solid flick that doesn’t waste time, developing the standard fall from glory type of arc but smoothly and in an entertaining way.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 8/10

Oh, bloody hell! They actually made a good one! The Suicide Squad is not only better than the ‘Suicide Squad’ of 2016 in every way, it’s a genuinely great film! This time, James Gunn (director of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies) is at the helm and it seems clear that Warner Bros. basically let him do what he wanted with the movie, as it doesn’t seem to bog itself down with the restrictions of a more family-friendly rating. The result of this is a far cleaner, colourful film with a clearer vision that takes from early Vietnam movies and uses that style to craft a superhero/villain movie that differentiates itself among the copious amount of existing films of the genre.      The Suicide Squad wastes very little time, introducing fun, crazy characters we’ve not seen on the big screen before and isn’t worried about killing a whole bunch of them, with standouts being Elba’s Bloodsport, Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, Stallone’s King Shark (expertly rendered with fantastic visual effects), and Robbie’s returning interpretation of Harley Quinn.      A lot of Gunn’s trademark sense of humour is laced throughout and more often than not, it hits. The audience at the cinema were truly loving this movie and I’ll admit, I was right there with them. This mix of the gritty, gory and absurd is not something that should work as well as it does but the basic premise of the film is already so silly (and boy, do they know it) that it just works! Certainly one of the best DC movies since The Dark Knight and one I’d be more than happy to watch again. This is what the modern comic book movie should be: just balls to the wall fun!

[twh-news]

Loki (TV): 5 Things the Disney+ serie got right (& 5 it ruined)

With its new Disney+ shows, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has managed to expand its reach and develop characters that didn't quite get enough attention in the movies. WandaVision grants Wanda Maximoff her rightful role as the Scarlet Witch while also developing her relationship with Vision. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier tackles some heavy themes as Sam Wilson struggles with the weight of Steve Rogers's legacy and Bucky tries to overcome his trauma.

In Loki, fans are reunited with a beloved character, one many deemed lost with his death in Avengers: Infinity War. The show centers on the adventures of a variant of Loki created after the Avengers' Time Heist. Loki's return to the MCU is more than welcome and gets many things right, but some elements could have been dealt with better.

10 Got Right: Loki's Enduring Affection For His Family Still Stands Out

Loki is easily one of the best villains in the MCU, and a big reason why he stands out is his affection for his family. He has a genuine bond with his mother Frigga, who is among the few people who support him. His rivalry with his brother Thor gradually disappears, and the two eventually mend their bond.

In the Disney+ series, Loki hasn't yet reached the right mental state to forgive and be forgiven. He is forced to confront the fate of his people--and his own--and it's one of the most touching moments in the series. Tom Hiddleston's portrayal is as always impeccable, adding another layer to the emotionally aloof god.

9 Ruined: His Character Doesn't Shine As Much As It Could Have

Despite the series being titled Loki, it doesn't really focus on him as much as it should. After Loki makes his escape using the Tesseract, he's taken captive by the Time Variance Authority and eventually joins them. He's then forced by circumstances into cooperating with a female variant of himself, Sylvie. Caught in a web of events he's unprepared for, he often seems just along for the ride. This wouldn't normally be an issue, but the limited number of episodes makes the pacing a problem. With a better balance, Loki's character could have shined through properly.

8 Got Right: Loki Is Confirmed To Be Bisexual And His Relationship With Sylvie Is Very Interesting

During a conversation with Sylvie, Loki comments that he's had relationships with both men and women in the past. The admittance of his bisexuality isn't a surprise, but it's still a welcome element. His subsequent relationship with Sylvie--who is, in the end, a version of himself--is interesting and chaotic, suiting the nature of the rule-breaking god.

7 Ruined: Sylvie Creates A Missed Opportunity As Viewers Would Have Liked A Truly Genderfluid Loki

Sylvie's character has its origins in the second Enchantress, Sylvie Lushton. Her look--mimicking Amora's in appearance--is combined with the concept of Lady Loki. Unfortunately, her presence comes at the expense of a highly-anticipated element of Loki's character.

Before the series came out, rumors were rampant that the show would finally give viewers a genderfluid Loki and tackle his sexuality in a more elaborate way. Loki's bisexuality may have been confirmed, but it doesn't feel like enough. Sylvie just isn't the Lady Loki viewers wanted.

6 Got Right: Loki's Relationships In The Series Make Him Grow As A Person

Throughout the series, Loki builds close relationships, not just with Sylvie, but also with TVA agent Mobius M. Mobius. Mobius places his faith in Loki and helps him realize many things about himself, even risking his own life for Loki. Meanwhile, Loki's romantic connection to Sylvie is so powerful it creates a nexus event. It gives Loki hope that he doesn't have to be alone, making him grow as a person.

5 Ruined: His Abilities Become Even More Confusing

Loki's abilities in the MCU have always been somewhat puzzling. He's a highly skilled sorcerer, but half the time, he doesn't use his powers. Thor mentions his brother shape-shifted into a snake as a child, but the ability is never used.

The Disney+ series makes things even more confusing. Loki is easily incapacitated by the TVA, even if their physical strength shouldn't be enough to overwhelm an Asgardian/Jotun. Later, after he makes his escape, Loki uses highly advanced telekinesis to hold falling buildings upright on Lamentis. The addition of Sylvie's strange form of mental projection muddies the waters further. It's not a new thing for characters in the MCU, but it could have been dealt with better.

4 Got Right: Classic Loki's Sacrifice Steals The Show

Sylvie isn't the only variant of himself Loki meets throughout his journey. After being pruned by the TVA, Loki ends up in The Void, where he meets Classic Loki, Boastful Loki, Kid Loki, and Alligator Loki.

Classic Loki easily steals the show, and his sacrifice to help Sylvie and Loki defeat Alioth is one of the best scenes in the series. Richard Grant's portrayal of the character is as powerful and emotional as Hiddleston's and leaves a true impression on the viewers.

3 Ruined: Most Variants Of Loki Barely Receive Any Attention

Despite the huge potential of the Loki variants, most of them don't get enough time in the spotlight. Kid Loki is said to rule The Void because he killed Thor, but the concept doesn't go anywhere. President Loki appears briefly as a villain, but his background is unknown. Alligator Loki--affectionately called Croki by the fandom--receives more attention than most other variants of the character. It's truly a shame, as each individual Loki had their own fascinating stories to tell.

2 Got Right: The Inclusion Of The TVA Tackles An Important Theme That Leads Into The Multiverse

Loki isn't the first MCU release that has mentioned the Multiverse, but it develops the theme much further, in a way that leaves a lot of room for further expansion. The concept of the "Sacred Timeline" sets into question the idea of free will, of the consequences of each choice. The TVA polices the path people have to take, enforcing a fatalistic design that would make many want to rebel.

Loki and Sylvie understandably want to topple it, but they soon learn that the TVA may very well be the lesser evil. With Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness just around the corner, the themes and issues that appear in Loki will doubtlessly be even more important than ever.

1 Ruined: The Overabundance Of Elements Makes The Final Villain Underwhelming

The addition of the Multiverse may have been a good idea, but the multitude of elements end up clashing against each other due to the format of the series. The introduction of a whole new figure as the villain ultimately makes him fall flat. He Who Remains may have great influence and power, but he doesn't do much except monologue. Presuming that he is indeed Kang the Conqueror, he isn't a bad choice as an antagonist. The series just doesn't do him justice, and the finale feels weak and underwhelming.

[criminalmutantsins]

Top 10 Favorite Young Justice Characters

10. Jaime Reyes/Blue Beetle

Starting off the list is Blue Beetle. Young Justice introduced me to him, and I was hooked. He’s probably the most mellow and calming voice. His arc and relationship with Bart (friendship or not) were my favorite aspects of S2. They bounced off each other in every scene. I was very disappointed when Jaime and Bart were sidelined so much, and hope S4 changes this (particularly with Bart).

Jaime in the number 10 spot since he doesn’t really have much of a memorable personality. Still love him to bits though.

        9. Will Harper/Red Arrow

Funny enough, I did not like Will. He was an asshole in S1; S2 kind of changed my mind about him but not enough since he didn’t appear as much. What really changed my mind was the episode “Private Security” (S3 Ep.4). I started looking back into Will’s storylines and, I have to admit, his is probably one of the best character development.

The first season had him unwillingly living a lie and betraying the people he cared for. In season 2 he was so consumed into finding the original Roy for five years, not even caring or focusing about his own life. I felt really bad for Will because he was probably going through an identity crisis and thought he couldn’t live his life without finding Arsenal. Probably felt guilty.

Seeing him living his own life and being happy with his daughter was so heartwarming. I smiled every time Will appeared in the latest season (totally ignoring the Will x Artemis fiasco), especially with Lian. I’m very proud of him.

I feel bad for putting him so low, yet I adore the next characters more.

 8. Garfield Logan/Beast Boy

I have been a massive Beast Boy fan since Teen Titans so you probably can imagine how excited to see him. His origin story was unique and his brother-sister bond with M’gann was very sweet. It was pretty weird seeing how much younger Gar was than Dick, but I got used to it. I was bummed that Gar wasn’t in S2 as much; however, S3 truly made up for it. 

After watching Beast Boy being a great leader in S5 of Teen Titans, I wanted a leader-like and more mature version of him. Young Justice truly delivered with Gar being the leader of the Outsiders. It’s nice to see him treated with respect rather than as a joke because that was my biggest gripe with Teen Titans. Though it was weird seeing him not crack a joke at all.

Gar’s story with his mom was heartbreaking to see. I literally cried seeing his reaction to revisiting his trauma in S2 and S3; I just wanted to hug and tell him how awesome he is. My only complaint with Gar in S3 was that the Outsiders weren’t established until near the end of the season.

His voice actor being Greg Cipes also gives him extra points (He’s a chill guy and radiates BB energy).

 7. Dick Grayson/Nightwing/ Robin I 

Sorry to all the hardcore Nightwing fans.

I love Dick (don’t get any ideas), but he doesn’t get enough development in the spotlight. One of the things I really wanted to see from him is his growth as a main leader, and his journey to becoming Nightwing. I was really bummed when these happened between the first two seasons.

To be honest, I don’t have as much to say about him other than straightforward qualities I enjoy about him.

1.His Voice (it’s so soothing)

2.His Personality (very charismatic)

3.Very Handsome (Probably in the top 3 my most handsome YJ Men list)

I put him higher than the others since he made a lot of contribution to the story and his new words (gotta love that aster!)

6. Megan Morse/M’gann M’orzz/Miss Martian 

If I made this list during S1, M’gann would have probably been in my top 3 (maybe even No. 1), but S2 didn’t give her any brownie points.

I really liked S1 Miss Martian because of her kind heart, awkward girl next door personality. Her trouble fitting in the beginning reminded me of when I was going through a time in high school; seeing her having trouble as well helped me feel not so lonely. M’gann powers were (still are) my favorite since I am a big fan of mind-like powers. I would feel so powerful. Watching her identity crisis(?) arc was great too. I’ve had trouble feeling comfortable in my own skin as well as my social anxiety (I’m a mess) and I could understand how scared Megan was of her friends’ thoughts on her true form. 

Oh boy. Season 2 basically ruined her. Learning what she would do to enemies was terrifying to see and left me wondering what happened to Miss Martian that made her step this far. What she almost did to Superboy was almost unforgivable. You do not try to manipulate with your boyfriend’s mind when you guys have an argument! Shame on you M’gann. If Superboy hadn’t forgiven you then I wouldn’t have either.

Good thing S3 somewhat redeemed her. Her kind heart was noticeable again and she refused to do that mind trick again (thank god). Very excited for the Superboy and Miss Martian wedding! Please creators, I beg of you to not skip over it. I want to cry my eyes out in happiness!

 5. Kaldur’ahm/Aquaman/Aqualad 

Now we’re in the top 5 with Aqualad (*ahem* Aquaman) starting it off.

Creating Kaldur was the best decision the creators ever did. I love him with all my heart!

He added diversity to the original team and was a great leader. S1 was not his breakout season, though the second season definitely was.

Kladur played the villain so well that he deserves an automatic Oscar. I never doubted that he was with the heroes, but he didn’t disappoint. My favorite part about Aqualad’s performance was when he rose from the ocean slowly like a cliché villain (he made it work), and the line he said right after he “killed” Artemis; it sent me chills. Love it! 

Pretty disappointed that he didn’t appear as much in S3. Very happy that he is a part of the LGBTQ+ community and is in a happy relationship. I’m a part of the community and loved that there was finally some representation in one of my favorite shows. Even so, I have to criticize how rushed and sidelined it was. I hope Kaldur and Wyynde’s relationship gets development.

 4. Kon-El/Conner Kent/Superboy

Like Will, I did not like Superboy at first. Mainly angry and volatile characters were never really my cup of tea. I do understand why he was upset and felt bad for him; I just handle anger the direct opposite as him. My love for Conner started growing around the end of S1. He was very sweet towards Miss Martian (bless him for not caring about her appearance) and his anger was in control.

Season 2 pretty much switched my opinions on him and M’gann. It was awful what M’gann almost did to him. That scene with him being so sad that what she did ruined that special bond they had almost made me cry. I wanted to give him a hug. He grew so much too since I don’t think he would have handled the whole M’gann drama as well in S1. A lot of furniture would’ve been broken.

I gotta admit something. I almost put Conner near the bottom (maybe no. 7). A comment in a poll in Amino changed my mind. I wrote a poll asking other fans who did they prefer SB or MM. At that point I said SB, though I didn’t think much of it. Someone (specifically yjfangirl) responded “Superboy has the best development in the show.” This had me thinking about how far SB has gone. In the beginning, Conner was an angry guy who felt alone and rejected by the person who he was meant to emulate. Now he is happier and living for himself rather than to be the next Superman. He’s getting married people! A little detail I noticed when rewatching S3 was Superboy mentioning to new characters that they weren’t obligated to be a hero because of their abilities. I adored this! The main reason why Superboy was created to be Superman if the original ever died, and another one of Luthor’s puppets. But he strayed from that pressuring path and is doing his own thing. Conner doesn’t want other people to feel like he did. What an absolute pure soul.

Also, yjfangirl, first I want to say Hi (*waves*)! Then say thanks for writing that comment. It made me really think about the bigger picture with SB and my love for him as grown exponentially. You probably didn’t mean to do that, but I still want to thank you. 😊

 3.Wally West/Kid Flash

We’re in the elites now.

I don’t know how to explain it, I just love Wally. He makes me laugh, and his character growth was great. At first, Wally was this cocky flirt who didn’t take the hero work as seriously. That changed in “Cold-hearted,” one of my favorite episodes in the series. This was when I really started seeing more of Wally than being this dumb flirt. It was great seeing him actually caring about helping people since I believed for a long time that he wanted to be a superhero to just have powers rather than actually protect others. The regret in his eyes when he thought his impulsive behavior killed Perdita helped me see who he really was- this somewhat arrogant speedster who had a kind heart. Episodes that can make me change my perspective on characters are truly special.

I was very upset that he wasn’t in S2 a lot. I understand why since he gave up the life, but I was still bummed. Seeing him being so loving and protective towards Artemis was amazing. Spitfire is my favorite ship and I will not give up on them. All I want is a happy ending! The penultimate episode of S3 was a hint that it will happen. Watching the S2 finale was heartbreaking, I cried watching him disappear, his love for Artemis being the last things he said. Artemis’ reaction did not(I just wanted to hug her). 

I have more to say, though I’m leaving it for another post. 😉

 2.Bart Allen/Kid Flash II/Impulse

Picking between Bart and Wally for second place was tough. Took me a while to decide; I’ll talk about it later on.

The moment Bart made his appearance, I absolutely adored him. He is amazing and I live for his hyper, fun attitude. His arc and relationship with Jaime were my favorite aspects of S2. What can I say, their chemistry is great to see.

That scene when he was meeting the Flash family was so adorable. His excitement was infectious and spoiling his dad and aunt’s births was hilarious! I watch it occasionally whenever I need a good laugh or reason to smile.

Unlike most time travelers- at least the ones I’ve seen- Bart was very involved with what was going on and befriended his biggest enemy- evil and weirdly huge future Blue Beetle. He was pretty careful about disclosing very important information and took things very seriously. You never know if disclosing everything was the thing that brought the world to chaos.

What I found interesting was his choice on how to interact with everyone. He seemed pretty gloomy in the future, but decided to portray this cheerful, devil-may-care attitude to be more likable. I understood (still kind of do). I had terrible mental health issues and I pretended to be happy in front of loved ones because I thought they wouldn’t care about me anymore. Bart got some brownie points for that.

I was dissatisfied when his role was greatly reduced. I wanted the creators to go further with Bart by revealing his past and how it affected him. He was pretty much comedy relief. You couldn’t imagine how disappointed I was, especially with it involving my second favorite character. Season 4 better change that.

I know that you shouldn’t assume a character’s sexuality, yet I really hope Bart is gay. There needs to be more clear representation and Bart can be one of them. I’m also a Bluepulse and Bartuado shipper (fine with either one as long as Bart’s bond with each of them stays strong).

Anyway, I mentioned that I would explain why I chose Bart for 2nd place over Wally. It mostly stems from wishful thinking. I really want S4 to have Bart as a main character since I believe the future will be strong plot point in the season. Development could surely happen such as Bart opening up more about what he went through. Let all those feelings go.

I’m going to write an article on my hopes for S4 when a release date is announced. Bart and Wally will most definitely be talked about.

 …..

We are finally near the end!

And my No. 1 favorite character is…

Drumroll please!

…

..

.

1.Artemis Crock/Tigress/Artemis

That’s right people!

Artemis Crock, original member of the Team and daughter of villains!

She is such an inspiration to anyone who wants to go their own past without their parents’ support.

It’s hard to describe how much I love Artemis. She’s brave, strong-willed, and a kind person. It’s crazy how great of a person she is after all the terrible things that happened to her. I look up to her because I don’t have a healthy relationship with my parents (verbal and mental abuse) and there are times I don’t feel strong enough to stand on my own. I want to carry the amount of strength Artemis has as my own.

After all that happened in S2, it was amazing to see Artemis come back to the team and train the new generation. It must have been hard to walk away from a safe, comfortable life for a chaotic, dangerous life. I admire that in everyone, but I hold more respect for Artemis since “the life” “killed” Wally. I wanted to hug her so bad.

She’s also one of the kindest people in the show, the events in S3 being the best example. When Zatanna was crying about her dad, Artemis was there to comfort her. It was so sweet! Roy and her also took in Halo and Terra like they were a part of the family; the archer treated them like the best big sister. That rainstorm scene was heartwarming to the core.

Wouldn’t Artemis be an amazing mother? Lian and her have a strong bond like a mother and daughter; I loved it, and Lian is in good hands with Roy and Artemis. Though Jade deserves a chance to be a mother. Artemis also seemed to enjoy taking care of those kids in that S1 episode. Wally too. You guys know what I’m guys insinuating. 😉

Get ready for some fanfics on that someday.

My favorite Artemis-centered episode was the second to last episode of S3. I was waiting for this episode centering around Artemis missing Wally and learning to move on. It was great yet heartbreaking. Nothing bad happened. That Will and Artemis kiss never happened. Everyone makes a mistake. No matter how terrible it was.

Anyway, seeing Artemis and Wally living their lives and having a baby gave me life, even if it was fake. It was a vision of the future. I will believe this until there is confirmation that Wally will not come back.

Did anyone else cry when Artemis was so desperate to, but Wally wouldn’t let that happen (the real Wally would do that)? They are a great example of a healthy relationship with all the love and support they have for each other. I want that.